I have an extremely transphobic/homophobic and strictly christian mother.. she trying to take the "demon?" out of me when i told her i was atheist.. what she didn't know is that i'm not just atheist... but an Anton Lavey Atheist.. which is a satanist.. practicallyy anyhow.. i've already came out to my mother and my 2 sisters one of the sisters the youngest, who is not very supportive.. but when we play a little "game" which is me pretending to be a "cat" i use it when ever she gets angry at me and hits me i pretend to be a cat and that so called cat is male ^w^ but one time she said "good boy" in front of my mother and she was like No. that's not a boy. that's a girl. it has to be good girl and ended up beating me up about it =.= :tantrum: welp atleast i treasured those few seconds... :dry: well i really want to come out to my father whom is separated from my mother ( i don't blame him i would too ) he seems to be pretty chill about me wanting to shave my hair off and even offered to pay for me to go to the gym and was going to buy me testosterone for my birthday since he would use it back then to get muscles and hit on females, my mom gets hysterical whenever i'm about to tell him or give him these little "hints" when she looks at my messages... she's convinced that i just want to be a guy cause i went thru a trauma (being raped and molested by her husband... ) it did impact my life hugely.. made me anti-social and i don't even go near family and i don't even go near or talk much to blood-relatives but i did it for my sisters not to suffer since they are cis-females and this body isn't mine i thought it was alright.. i wanted this body to suffer so badly.. i wanted to wreck it for not being my own.. i went thru a phase of me being bullimic and anorexic cause i hated this body so badly part of the reason why i even decided to sacrifice this body (other then my sisters) was cause i didn't have any respect for it.. it was "the dark age" i'm really glad that i no longer am how i used to be, it made me a happier person even thou my mother is constantly bringing me down talking about how i'm a beautiful female and that if "god" wanted me to be male then he would've made me it i honestly do not think that he's real and all high and mighty and powerful they make him out to be but i told her that if he was then.. it'll be an obstacle which he made for all us transgenders just a way to finally be able to live that happy and perfect life we want but then she said "but it's goes against nature and god's will" :bang: she says that she went thru this when she was about my age cause guys have it "easy" and all this load a crap.. pardon my bad words this is my ranting... :tantrum: anyhow my dad says that if i want to cut my hair short like a guys he'll try to convince my mum and i think he's just doing it cause he wants to make up for those 9 years of not being with us but being with his "lady friends" oh did i mention he's a cheater and a player, my mom would even dress him up well for his dates and when he went to the club whilst my mother took care of us at home and made the food for when he came back.. if he came back... father of the year award.. :eusa_clap welp he had a motorcycle accident and his legs don't fuction as well as they used to.. more like not at all.. he seems to be supportive but i feel like once i tell him he'd freak out and tell all his transphobic/homophobic family.. :tears:
