I've been planning to come out the same day the Supreme Court (hopefully) rules in favor of same-sex marriage. Now, lately my mom has been dropping strong hints that she wants me to be more 'open' with her. I'm 99% sure she knows I'm gay, as well as my step dad. Just the other day, my step dad was watching Fox News (I know...), and Bill O'Reilly was talking about how social media has a major impact on opinions on issues such as gay marriage. We started talking back an forth, and the moment my mom heard him mention gay marriage, she intervenes sayings "why? what's wrong with gay marriage?" She then went to go on saying that if I came out to her, she would cry and worry for me but still support and love me. She did mention the possibility that I'm just straight and she may assume I'm gay, but uh... Long story short, they are probably setting me up to just be honest with them and be straight forward. Just 5 years ago, she was pretty against the idea. I've come to the conclusion that she simply got used to the idea of me being gay. This is why I've decided that it is finally time to just come out. After school is out and before my senior year of high school seems like a good time, especially since June is LGBT pride month! With the upcoming SCOTUS ruling, I really feel like it's a good time to just come out of the closet. Now... here comes the hard part. My family is Eastern Orthodox– a denomination of Christianity which doesn't have a good reputation with LGBT people. Though, we are Greeks, and Greece is probably the most LGBT friendly of all the Orthodox countries, I still worry about the affect this would have on my family members back in Greece. Knowing my mom, she would go and talk to everyone that's close to her about me, as she likes to talk about her feelings and what's going on in her life. I really don't know how to go about this whole thing... how do I even get my message across? Every time I'm in a discussion with my mom and the topic of LGBT comes up, I get so nervous and emotionally stressed that I can barely continue to talk. She's asked me before if I was gay, and I could barely put to words a good response. I can't imagine what I'd need to do to to be the one to instigate such a conversation. For the past several years, I've been gradually disconnecting with my immediate family. I feel like I don't even know my brothers anymore, let alone my own mother. All the depression from bullies and self loathing really messed up my relations with my family. When family comes over on Sunday, I feel like I can't stay in the room too long because I can't connect with anyone. When my parents come home from work, I come out from my room, say hi, and go back to my room. Because of everything, my connection with my parents has crumbled. I feel like if I can break through this barrier, then I can finally start to reconnect with everyone. That if I can start opening up with my mother, then I don't have to feel scared anymore. My life is full of nothing but regret, and I hate how something so meaningless has to have such a major impact on me because of such a backwards society. I could of been a straight A student who would be going onto a good college, but instead I dealt with depression leading to a major drop in my grades. My Junior year was the first time in a long time where I didn't receive any final grade below a B, but I needed to push myself an extra mile just to compensate for everything that has been going wrong in my life. I feel like I've even become a major smart ass because I have this urge to overcompensate. Even on these forums, I constantly find myself arguing with people over things that I don't even have a strong opinion about. I guess what I'm trying to get at is... I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being scared to talk to my own parents. I can't keep pretending to be someone I'm not. It might be too late to fix some of the things in the past, but it's not too late to pave a new road for myself. If anyone here has any advice or anything, I'd highly appreciate that. This might be one of the hardest and most emotionally stressful conversations I'll have with my parents, but I know it has to be done. Thank you everyone!
I can relate to a lot of this, and while I'm not gay, understand the pressures and stresses of not being out. A key point that I want to address to calm your fears is that your family seems very supportive already and open to the idea of you being gay. This is great! And if they already 99% know, well most of coming out is already done for you. My relationship with my family could be put exactly as you have described yours. To the tee. I feel disconnected from them which is why, in part, I have not yet come out. I don't know them well enough even to gauge how they will react. All I know is that (a) they love me and (b) they hate LGBT stuff. So... I just have to figure out which truth is stronger. No pressure, right? Yeah coming out will be hard and emotionally stressful, but try and be prepared. There really isn't a "best time" to do it. It will always be hard and it will always be awkward. You could just go for the old two-worder and come out spontaneously. Simply, "I'm gay." Then you're out, end of story. The rest will follow. Or if you don't like that approach, try a more inventive one like a letter, video, face-to-face convo, etc. Take a deep breath, brother. You can do it. Regards, -Rhys-
You have it simple. Your mother already knows you are gay and has worked through to the acceptance of it. Sounds like you have too. Just sit down with her and say it. "Mom, you already know this so I am not telling you anything new when I say I am gay. I think this is what has been causing me to feel so strange and depressed sometimes, like I have been hiding something from you that you already know. I just want to get this conversation over and get on with my life and make my senior year my best year in high school. I love you and hope you are OK with me being gay, because it is what I am and I can't change it."
Thanks for the advice. Knowing that most of the coming out has already been done for me, I suppose it won't be as bad as I'm anticipating.
