Background: i realized about 4 years ago that I am bisexual and have been pretty comfortable with that. however, i've only had relationships with guys (4 years ago when I realized that I'm bi I hadn't ever been with a girl at all) After this, I started trying to date girls, and had a few successful dates/stints with girls, but nothing that turned into a relationship. then suddenly I met a guy, we clicked, and we've been dating for 2.5 years, and live together. I've dropped hints to him a few times about the fact that i find girls attractive, and i think once or twice i've hinted that i've also been with girls. but i dont think he fully understands how far i sway on the kinsey scale (i always get 5 when i take tests online...which FEELS right....but i feel like i'm lying saying 5 because clearly i have had more than "incidental" interaction with guys since ALL my relationships were hetero...so i tend to say 4) I know our relationship won't last much longer (maybe another year...?)...but I find that I'm just anxiously waiting to start my life out as gay (/bi....but lately i'm thinking i'm more and more just gay). Summary if above is too long: I am in a hetero relationship (for 2.5 years, live together) although i'ts clear it will not last. (we both know we are moving at the end of our work stint overseas and when we do, that's pretty much the end of our relationship). I find myself just waiting for it to end so that I can date a girl already...but I don't want to necessaily end our relationship just for that right now (i AM happy with him). We're living overseas and don't really have much of a social life outside eachother. I think I'd just be miserable and lonely here if we broke up before the move back home. SO...onto my question: should I tell him about all this? explain just how bi/gay i think i am and make sure he knows that i plan to solely date girls after we break up so that it doesnt shock him later? OR should i just go with the flow, and just be happy day to day not thinking about the future for now, and deal with this when the time comes...when we're both moving and breaking up? I'm just ready to be out....and REALLY anxious to date a girl. Just doesn't seem like it will happen until I move back home anyways...so why end a good thing...right?? maybe not...help!
I would probably wait until you move to breakup. In my last straight relationship, I was in the exact same shoes as you. We were completely over each other, but she was moving away (which more or less ended us) and toward the end I knew I was gay and was anxious to begin meeting guys. But I also couldn't cheat on her and I wanted to help see her off and help her during our last days. A few quick things: 1. Your sexuality can change or shift as you age and mature. Mine certainly did, though part of it was really coming to accept my true feelings and attractions. This is likely what you went through as you aged and became more mature. That part of youth where you just want to fit in and be like everyone else slowly fades as you begin to forge your own identity. 2. I don't think you ought to be miserable and alone for your last little while together if he is basically your world right now. Try to remain faithful to him, but also try and find a way to let him know this will be it when you two part. Continue to offer hints and suggestions that you're attracted to girls and maybe one day sit him down and just say "look, I'm just not as attracted to you as I thought I was." It's the truth and it will set you free, even if it hurts him in the short term.
Thanks so much for your fast comment! It does sound like your ex relationship is very similar...i definitely couldn't cheat on him, that's not even an option in my head really. and like I said i do still enjoy being with him, and even enjoy sex for the most part (the only side part is everytime he goes down on me i close my eyes and imagine he's a girl). My only nervous thing is that I'm not exactly sure how much longer we'll be here (it was originally only supposed to be 6-12 months, and it's been 2.5 years!) but i dont THINK longer than 1 more year....althought that seems like awhile even I've been trying to hint a lot more lately how much i find women attractive, and i think the last time i did he made kind of a face like he's getting sick of how much i talk about it. like it offended him maybe =\ so i felt bad....and haven't referenced it again...
When you do eventually come out to him, you need to make it clear that it's not because of him. One friend of mine had a gay bf who came out to her and it messed her up for years. You need to try to get your bf to understand that he's a great guy, loving, good in bed, but it doesn't matter if he were Brad Pitt or whoever, you'd still be a lesbian. Life's circumstances just made it harder to come out.
