In my future coming out plans, I had basically found three opportune (if opportune even exists in this circumstance) times to let the news out to my parents... 1. This summer, when I'm gone away to TN to be by myself with my grandmother for a few weeks 2. Next summer, before I turn 18 3. After I'm 18 and have left for university I am very strongly considering coming out this summer, but freaking out a bit thinking about it. The pros of doing this would be: finally relief of being out, people around me knowing, getting on my track to transitioning faster (maybe), and it would be the easiest way. Since this is one of the rare times when I'm away from home for an extended period of time. I could write them an email (or a physical letter) explaining everything and then they'd have time to digest it before I came back. Only problem would be when I came back...... Here are the cons. My family is, shall we say, rather transphobic. It is a strange dichotomy of serious hate of LGBT mixed with strong love for me as their child. I just hope that the love is stronger than the hate. At any rate the reaction will never be good. And I just dread what would happen after I came home, and the all-too-expected "talk" we would have. Telling them will not mean that I get treatment sooner, and it will probably result in me being banned from expressing anything smelling of masculinity. Anywho... The major problems I have with the other two options is that (a) I don't want to wait because I'm depressed and fed up with being in the closet and (b) it would be a lousy thing to do to come out when I'm 18 or nearly 18. Why? I don't want my parting words to my parents on my way to college to be, "Hey, forgot to mention this but I'm trans. Don't care if you like it 'cause I'm outta here!" Essentially leaving them in the dust with a stomach-punch bit of news. So that said, what do you guys think I should do? Really any advice is appreciated. This is kind of a big deal to me and I'm just trying to work out the absolute best (or.. least bad?) way to do it. Cheers. -Rhys-
Summer is good if you want to tell them now, if you feel you're ready to do so. If you feel it's safe to do so, you know. Because you do have to go back. I'm not very good at this type of advice, since I think my parents - or at least my dad - would be supportive and yet I'm still in the closet, because no one can really predict the reactions of others. But even with the negativity and the potential hate, if it's physically safe for you to come out then at least everything is out in the open and you can focus on what you want rather than what you have to hide. Though I hope their love for you wins, too. That's the only other downside I can see; if they don't support you in any way, if it comes off as hate at all, if that's something you suspect, you have to decide if coming out now is worth living with that for another year or so. The letter sounds like a good idea, give them time to digest your news while also keeping some distance between you all to actually have to digest it. I'd personally go with email if they were likely to respond before I got back, because communication is already open without needing to talk then and there. There's time to respond with email. Same with texting. But if you don't except them to talk about it in any way until you're back, a letter sounds good. Though I'd maybe use the email later, just to send one near the end the trip to test the waters so to speak. Tell them how you are and stuff and try to slip in if they read the letter. But that last one is just me needing to plan things ahead. If you do choose to come out this summer and they've used the time to pretend nothing is happening or something, what would you do? If you choose not to come out this summer, then I'd go with next summer. Write the letter and not be in the house for a couple of hours maybe. Because you get the time they need to process your news and time to talk to them about it. And if it doesn't go well, you're leaving in a shorter amount of time for university so you won't have to live with the negativity for as long. But I agree with you on not wanting the news that you're trans to be your parting words. I hope this helps I'm any way, or even makes sense. Good luck, Rhys.
The email while I'm away is starting to look better and better... Plus I'm going to have loads of free time during the trip so I'd have a lot of time to think it through. Another thing is that I get completely blubber-mouthed when I try to "talk about feelings." It's literally the sensation of my throat filling up with sand. So any kind of face-to-face confrontation I just dread. If they pretended nothing is happening, eh, I don't know what I'd do. It is highly unlikely that they would ignore this news. But if they did, I would just go about acting comfortably male without explaining myself since I did tell them after all. Until they inevitably say something then we can talk.
I feel your pain there. That's the main reason why I can't tell my family; feelings just aren't my strong suit and I get a severe case of anxiety at the thought, so I loathe face to face confrontation. Sadly, being trans is not like being ace and I kind of need to tell them otherwise potential gender therapy and top surgery later in life will come as a big surprise. True, you did tell them. Accepting your life as male whether they do so or not is the choice I'd go with, too. If it comes to that, good luck. If you go with the email during this summer, good luck with that as well. I hope it goes well for you. If you wanna talk more about it, I'm always here.
