Hello all ! So yesterday I began my internship as a mental health counselor at my local LGBT center here in NYC. I love the place a lot and all the people there are so sweet and accepting. Here is the thing...I am often told I look like a lesbian or people question my sexuality because I have short hair. I don't mind at all, it's whatever people want to think. However my new supervisor, who I have met only twice, is rather....extroverted? She's very into every ones business it seems and totally friendly..but on two occasions so far she has inquired into my sexuality in a round about way. Once in my interview she asked, which she had to immediately take back because it's illegal to ask. I am not ashamed of being Bi and I usually come out to most people who ask..or if I feel comfortable with them. My issue is that I'm not sure how comfortable I am disclosing my sexuality to her yet because she IS my supervisor and even though it is an LGBT center and she's been open with herself being a lesbian...it seems a bit odd to share so much of myself with my boss. Does anyone have any advice on what to do about this? I may come out to some of the other workers there eventually, but I'm unsure I'm comfortable being out to her. Every time she asks, "Why are you sooo interested in this field? Do you have experience" I just kind of deflect and briefly say I do have personal reasons and it's always been a place I'd like to work. :eusa_doh::icon_sad: Am I being silly?
I was once asked by a co-worker was I gay. By the way it was in an organisation that was accepting of everyone and the person that asked had no problem with LGBT people. I just was not ready to come out. I answered her by saying "Unless you fancy someone and are in with a chance their sexual orientation is irrelevant". I then went on to explain that I answered that way because I have a lot of gay friends and both they and myself are annoyed with people putting "labels" on people. The rude version is "Thanks for asking but you are not my type."
Thanks for this! Yeah, I definitely feel like it's not her business. I spoke to one of my faculty supervisors and she told me that there's a reason I'm holding back and I should listen to this. When and if I feel comfortable it might feel really good to disclose my sexuality with people there..but only when I'm ready (!)
I don't think you're being silly. And I don't think it matters that it's an LGBT centre. It may be of more interest in that setting but I still don't think it's something that anyone needs to share unless you want to. And she should know better than the average person that everyone does this if and when they want to, not when others pressure them. Pick an answer you're happy with and just keep repeating it when she asks again. She should get the message unless she's completely clueless.
I wonder why she is so curious and keeps asking you. I feel like that is totally inappropriate and unprofessional. You barely know her after all! I think if you come out to a coworker or two it will eventually get around that your bi and your supervisor will probably hear of it. That's just something to keep in mind. Bottom line, it's none of her business and you don't owe her an answer. I think I would respectfully tell her that I was uncomfortable with her question and then change the subject to something lighter right away and try to share a laugh. In my experience nosy people tend to back down if you look them in the eye and are direct about the way you answer a question you have no intention of answering. I hope she stops hasting you. Good luck!
