This is going to be long So, i'm friends with this guy...we'll call him jack. Jack is asleep beside of me, in my bed. I have a natural urge after waking up to "cap a feel" while he's laying on his back.. I keep going for a little bit, and he never wakes up, and he starts to get hard...so after a few seconds i realize he's awake and just laying there. soon, he moves his hands down and pulls off his shorts, and in the end i give him head. The next day i'm taking this same guy to a friends house, and we're acting like nothing happened. I asked him if he'd ever done anything like that before, and he said yes when he was younger with a guy i know. He asked me and i said no it was the first time (which is true). at this time he tells me he's straight, and has jsut done it because it feels good. So, the next few times we're together, whether at friends house's or not, we generally do the same thing. I'll initiate the rubbing and such and he follows suit letting me give him head. this was about 5 times total. A few weeks later, a rumor gets around school that we're gay together, which we deny and everyone believes us. Then he tells me the "thing" is getting awkward, and i agree out of trying to maintain our friendship. We stayed good friends for a couple weeks, and i wanted to keep moving forward with him, but i didn't want to initiate it anymore. So, he comes and stays all night with me a couple days ago. I start getting over whelming like, impulses to make a move. So slowly but surely, over a couple of hours, i scoot closer to him, start rubbing his feet with my feet, and while he's on the phone with a girl (he just got out of a relationship, btw) i rub his legs. I can feel he's excited, but i stop till he gets off the phone. Later that night, we're about to lay down, and he's on his side facing away from me. I start rubbing his abs and stuff and initiate it just because i cant take it anymore. The next morning, before school, it happened again. and all this time I just can't be sure if he's straight, gay, bi or what. I am seriously in love with this guy, he's my best friend, my confidant and a great person. but i just want him to lay it all out for me. What do you all think i should do? do you think he's gay? or bi? Do you think i should ask him if there's a relationship possibility? we;re still in HS so i imagine it would be hard..and we're probably going to go to college locally so, that could complicate it too. Just give me some feedback PLZ
also, he told me he was waiting on me to make a move the last night... and we make jokes about it all the time, and i call him lazy because he never starts it... idk, just super confused.
Hi there. Welcome to EC. This is an age old problem it would seem. The only person that can tell you if he's gay or not is him. He has told you that he's straight, yet right up until last night he was more than willing to engage in sexual activity with you - another guy. So that, in my opinion, disqualifies him from being 100% straight. However, what he defines as straight vs. you or me could be very different. You need to lay all this out for HIM. Not us. Tell him that you're struggling with the relationship that seems to have developed. That you require some clarity. You might need to accept that he's only interested in being 'friends with benefits'. And if you find that too difficult becuase you've developed stronger feelings for him, then it might mean that YOU need to cut it off so that you don't get any more hurt or confused than you already are. That would be my suggestion anyway. If you're comfortable enough to give him head you should be comfortable enough to talk to him about your feelings.
I second Jim on this. sexual activity is an extremely emotional thing for some people and for others it is just like scratching an itch. some serious level of communication about this is absolutely necessary before things go any further. PM one of us if you need more advice. Don't mean to put words in your mouth Jim but you seem like the helping type.
I definately think that you need to talk because, like it's been said, only he can tell you if he is gay/straight/bi. If he tells you that he's straight and there's no chance for a relationship, I think it would be best to not see him so much for a while so that you can get over him. Do you know how the rumor that you're gay together started?
Welcome to EC! Here's a good rule of thumb. Whenever somebody says they're straight, believe it. I don't care if he tells you while receiving anal from a guy - believe it. Because either he is, or he's lying because he doesn't want things to go too far with you. And if that's the case, then it's best not to push. The best thing to do is to confront the situation head-on. (NPI) First off, give the matter a lot of thought. Don't think about what IDEALLY you want, because it looks like that isn't in the cards. Instead, think about what you might be willing to settle for. Are you willing to get physical with him in your room, but be nothing but friends outside? After you figure that out, get him alone, and have a conversation straight-up. Tell him exactly what you feel, and what you'd like, and what sort of options you might have. It might go something like this. "Look, I like fooling around with you. I think you're hot, and it's a lot of fun. But you obviously don't want people to think we're a 'couple'. So what DO you want? Do you want to be friends-only outside the bedroom, but we can still fool around? Or would you rather call an end to the physical stuff? Because I don't really know if I want it to be on for one week, then off the next." Your goal is to find a place you can both live with. It may not be ideal for either of you. You presumably don't want to be at his beck and call, giving him head when he snaps his fingers, and sitting patiently by the bedside when he doesn't. Mind you, this is the mature way to go about it. Most guys - even most adult guys - would rather live in denial, and think that each time the sex starts, that THIS will be the time the guy melts, and decides he really WANTS to be boyfriends. But guess what? Doesn't happen much. Lex
My main problem is that I just can't freaking talk to him about it. All your advice is amazing, and (No offense to anyone) but Lex, your advice is outstanding. I can't say all this tho, because i'm afraid that he'll be straight, and be completely weirded out by the fact that I developed feelings for him. I really dont want him out of my life.
>>>My main problem is that I just can't freaking talk to him about it. Dude, you're giving him head. On a semi-regular basis. If either of you are sticking your dicks into each other somewhere, you should be able to talk about things. In fact, you MUST talk to people about these things. This is the situation where STDs get bandied about, and where people end up unhappy in bed. They don't TALK. They think, "Gee, I'd like him to wear a condom, but I don't want him to think I think he's unclean" or "Well, I'm actually not enjoying this much, but I want him to like me, so..." You CAN talk to him about it. You just have to decide to. >>>i'm afraid that he'll be straight, and be completely weirded out by the fact that I developed feelings for him. At the risk of repeating myself, dude, you're giving him head. On a semi-regular basis. Straight guys don't do that for one another. He's probably figured out the fact that you're gay. And he still comes back for more. So that's not going to freak him out. You don't have to focus on your "feelings for him". Just focus on this - you guys have some sort of relationship. And you just need to know what it is, and how it's gonna proceed. Because if he's on a different page than you, you need to know that. You need to know if this is going to develop, or if you're just a convenient hole. Also (and you might not want to tell him this), all partners in a relationship have an equal say. He might lay out an ultimatum - "we're friends outside the bedroom, you suck me off in the bedroom, and that's all it'll ever be" - but you have the option to say "fuck that - that's not what I want". Lex
Just came back to this post lol. it's been a long while, and rumors about us have spread because of me being a douche and running my mouth to people I thought i could trust. He has explicitly told me that he's not gay over hte phone, after he found out i was writing poetry (self-comfort) and posting it on writers cafe... He obviously was weirded out by that, like I suspected. I haven't been to his house in almost 3 weeks, I still haven't given him his christmas presents or anything. It's gonna be awful.
Well, i'm back to the thread. I finally told him everything..he responded well.. He told me he wasn't bi, or gay but still wanted to be best friends. we talked all that night about his love life and his relationship with a girl that he really thinks he loves. later that night tho we fooled around again and we promised each other that it would be the last time. we're better friends than ever, so i guess this is as close to perfect as it could get. I still think he's bi tho, i found out he hadn't done anything with his ex girlfriend even tho they dated 8 months...i'm quite suspicious.
mate of course he's bi, or gay. he just doesn't want to admit it (and probably not even to himself). that's his right. if he wants to call himself straight while getting head off a guy, that's fine. it's just a word. the main thing for you i would have thought is how it will continue - eg whether you guys will keep seeing each other or whatever. either way, if you are 'better friends than ever' that's great. what he calls himself isn't important, just ignore it, he is obviously into you if he keeps coming back.
Sounds like you're in a better spot. I'm glad you called off the sex. Not that I'm against sex, or friends with benefits, but situations like yours aren't all healthy. As long as you're sucking off a straight guy, you probably won't bother looking elsewhere. You'll either be satisfied with what you have, or think "I'd rather work on getting him to come around". And, 999 times out of 1000, he ain't gonna come around. And so on you go, when you could be spending time finding a guy who not only greatly appreciates the head, but will gladly reciprocate, and doesn't care if people outside the bedroom know. Now that you've called it off, he won't have that outlet anymore, and it'll be up to him to face the music. If he and his girlfriend hit it off physically, killer - more power to them. If they don't, well, he may have some self-examination in store. I would urge you to stick by your decision. If a week, a month, a couple months down the line, he hints (or states) that he'd like you to resume giving him head, decline. Keep your relationship entirely sex-free for awhile. It'll be best for you in the long run, and I think it'll be best for him. He's gonna have to decide if he's straight or bi (or gay), and as long as he thinks "having a gay friend suck me off doesn't make me gay", he can keep putting that decision off. Spend the time working on getting yourself a guy. Lex
