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Do I come out to my terminally ill best friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Siarad, Jun 3, 2015.

  1. Siarad

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    Essentially, what it says on the tin!

    My best friend is terminally ill and nearing the end (I think, she doesn't tell me much about exactly how much time she's been given). She is the only significant person left in my life who I am not out to. I have avoided coming out to her because although I don't think she would be homophobic, she is always keen to emphasise that she 'is not in the vagina business'. This is mainly because she looks like a stereotypical lesbian and so gets mistaken for gay a lot. I have thought that we would be fine if we had time to get over any awkwardness it would cause, but we don't because she's so ill. However, it is getting harder to hide it from her because it is so openly a part of my life now and I share LGBT posts on Facebook, go away with my gay walking group, etc and I'm not really in the habit of hiding it anymore.

    Do people think I should just come out to her (and risk awkwardness for the last months/year of her life) or continue to keep it quiet from her?

    I realise it's impossible for anyone to give a categoric answer but thoughts/advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. Lin1

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    Hey, first of all sorry about your friend. I can't believe people didn't take a minute of their day to advice you.

    I do not know your friend but do you think that she would be supportive ? If the answer is yes then I would tell her, she is your best friend and you should be able to trust her not to reject you.

    I came out as bisexual to my best friend very recently and very casually since I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, and while I was afraid of her reaction, (she is supportive of gay rights and all but the thought of two girls kissing repulse her a little so I definitely was afraid of the possible awkwardness/losing her) she reacted very well and I think she is confident enough to know that I do not have a crush on her and that things don't have to be awkward. But like I said I don't know your friend. If you think she may reject you, feel awkward/ uncomfortable then definitely spare that to her but otherwise why would you hide it ? We tend to regret the things we didn't do so if you don't tell her once the moment come that she has to go will you regret it ? Just asked yourself what would be worse for you and for her. Once again I am so very sorry about your friend's situation it must be terribly hard on the both of you and I can barely imagine any of your pain so (*hug*) for you. I am sure you'll make the right decision regarding your coming out and your friend.


    Enjoy the moments you have left with your friend Siarad !(&&&)
     
  3. 3n

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    Seeing you're out to a lot of other people, i think it's in best interest to come out to her (especially since your friend is terminally ill). Best of luck to you and your friend!
     
  4. Billy the kid

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    Yes I think you should, she should be given the chance to know the real you and that you are an honest person to her. You will also feel better knowing that she knows the real you and that you kept no secrets from her. I think you will be glad you did. Good Luck!