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it might sound stupid... but it isnt stupid to me..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Evanfan, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. Evanfan

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    ok i'm 14. I have online dated before, i dont really know if ill do it again though because i got hurt a lot. the problem is that here in 'real life' people don't find me in any way atractive. Yes, i'm a nerd and i am constantly told that i am a total nerd. Yesterday at an assembly the speaker said "who's a nerd, raise your hand" and everybody turned to look at me.
    I also LOVE music and evanescence, hence my name evanfan. I play the piano, clarinet, guitar, trombone, and i sing. (pretty good i must say, not to brag or anything). and i love reading, writing and all those sorts of things.
    I know that there are two girls that like me in my school, but i cannot say i like them back. they're just not the type of girl i'd date. No guys that i know of like me either.. and there is one girl that i like, and she likes me back, but she 'doesn't want a boyfriend' so i was thinking about forgetting about her.
    to be honest, i -if i were someone else- would probably not be atracted towards me.. mostly because i don't think i'm atractive. but i mean, in this world, someone is pretty much bound to really like you... (someone you like back, and u should be able to be with that person) but sometimes i think i was meant to stay alone.. i mean, i know i'm too young , but i do get lonely all the time; i always wish i had someone who i could love and share my time with.... what do you guys think i should do...? what could be the reason why people don't like me?

    **note, guys probablly don't say they like me if they do cuz no one knows im bi >_< so that really doesn't count much. :icon_sad:
     
  2. beckyg

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    Well it is possible to like all the things you like and be "cool" at the same time! You just need to work on your social skills and do things that make you feel good about yourself like buying some new clothes or getting a stylish haircut. I have no idea what you look like. Those are just some things that will make you feel better about yourself so that you project some self-confidence. Good luck! OH....and you are 14. Do you have any idea how much people change from 14 to 18 years of age? Just maturing a little bit will help too!
     
  3. Jim1454

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    Ya - try not to sweat it. Nerds can be really HOT! I'm dating one - and so is he! :icon_bigg

    If the guys don't know you're bi, then it's unlikely any of them are going to approach you.

    Besides - you're 14. TV and movies might lead you to believe that everyone is in love and has a partner at that age - but they don't! Many of us here didn't have a serious relationship until we were much older. So don't dwell on that. Find people to hang out with as friends. Surely you can hang with other band members. Aren't they as 'nerdy' as you are?

    I was considered to be a nerd in HS. As a means of coping, I tended to play it up. Accentuate it. Live up to the lable. Be nerdy and proud of it!
     
  4. crystaltriforce

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    i pretty much went through the same crap in high school. except the one person i liked acutualy lied about family problems to get out of even hanging out with me let alone go on a date when i finally got up the courage to ask her out. :frowning2: and there were only two guys that were gay, one of them was in a commited relationship and the other one... well i just hated him because he was an annoying jerk.
     
  5. Trumpetplyer23

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    I am one of the biggest nerds you will probably ever meet. I hold long conversations with English teachers about books most of my classmates have never heard of and/or read. I enjoy writing, reading, listening to music, speaking French, etc.

    I am also one of the most popular people in my grade. Almost everyone loves me. Pourquoi (there's that French again, haha)? I'm very outgoing and friendly.

    So, maybe you don't wanna be loud and obnoxious like myself, but what you can do is just talk to everyone. Don't be mean to someone or judge them when you don't know them. It's a simple, 'hi, what's up, my name is [your name here].' I have friends from all walks of life. I have friends from all grade levels, cliques, etc. I have friends on the football, soccer (boys and girls), hockey, basketball (boys and girls), softball, baseball, track (boys and girls) teams, play, musical, stage crew, choir/chorale, band, art club, Spanish club, French Club, and Quiz bowl members.

    So, my advice to you is to make as many friends as you can. It doesn't matter about social status or cliques. Everyone wants a friendly person to talk to, right? Be that person.
     
  6. Evanfan

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    i wish everyone here thought the same way you guys do. its hard to find people who will support you no matter what and do all they can to help you around here. Everyone is just caring about who's cooler and who's a 'real' gangster and who's dating who and things like that. they don't notice others as much, and if they do it's not because they care much for them, but because they've got something that the other people want. Idk how people can act that way.. lol i dont know why, but when i'm replying to something i always start to talk about other things lol. anyways.. i guess i will just wait.. i believe that everything comes sooner or later, i just really feel sad and lonely and i need someone badly.. because i feel like i need someone to take me away from all my problems and all the trouble that i'm going through.. its a bit too much. I need someone who will just make me feel happy and carefree when i'm with that person. i hope that whoever it is.. they come soon, and if they don't, i'll do my best to be patient and just wait. (sry if i misspelled a lot of stuff.. i usually do, specially when i type fast. and since im supposed to b sleeping im typing faster than fast.. so i make more mistakes.)
     
  7. musican

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    I can definitely sympathize because I am young and in high school, and I’m often really lonely. I’m also quite nerdy and I don’t have many friends and I’ve never been in a relationship. The difference is that I’m gay so I don’t even have the possibility of going out with a girl and it is really painful when a girl actually says that they like me because that is rare and I wish that I could act on it, but I can’t. I want to ask her out, but I know that it wouldn’t be fair to me, or to her.

    My advice to you is to not act dumb to appear more likeable because that doesn’t work; when I stopped caring about schoolwork altogether and stopped coming to school regularly, I didn’t get more popular and I didn’t make new friends, most people just didn’t realize that I was gone and they went on living their self-centered lives. Do your best in school so that you can have more choices when it comes to colleges; high school sucks and it may seem like it is a long time, but it doesn’t last forever so you should make the most of it.

    I think that we would be friends if I met you, but that would only happen if you came up to me. I’m a very shy person so I don’t meet very many new people and I don’t make very good first impressions because I get really nervous and try to be the kind of person that I think that they want me to be. If you want to make friends with people, you can’t be shy, and trust me I know how hard that is if you’re really shy.
     
  8. skydrone

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    when im in high school (im 17 btw) i really make many friends without me knowing it. maybe because i always speak my mind and funny and all. And i love making friends with nerdy people coz i really have this nerdy side where my circle of friends don't understand anything. don't down yourself, me myself had never had a relationship in high school (and im proud!) haha but i always go on friendly dates with girls. Oh and they dont know im bi, but i like girls more. , and dont indulge yourself on virtual relationship well coz its virtual, and hardly anthing in it is real. but don't wori we love you <3
     
  9. Lexington

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    I was never cool. Ever. I was the dorky, geeky, smart kid who wore the wrong clothes and liked the wrong music. And I felt dumb and out-of-place.

    One day, in college, I thought "You know what? FUCK them. I like what I like. And I'm gonna LIKE it. I don't give a flying rat's ass what anybody else thinks. I'm not going to be hostile about it, but I'm just going to like it. I'm going to wear these dumb cartoon shirts, and listen to my lame music, and not feel guilty about it."

    Guess what happened? Yep. Lex suddenly was cool.

    How cool was Lex? Lex was sent a stuffed animal by a friend, a good-luck thing to help get him through finals. And Lex stuck it in his belt and wore it on his right hip for two months. And people thought it was cool.

    Cool isn't the clothes or the music. And cool certainly isn't a stuffed animal shoved in a belt. Cool is a state of mind. Cool means exactly that - being cool. Being comfortable with yourself. The gangstas aren't cool because they wear their hats tilted just so. They're cool because they seem comfortable doing so. Of course, it's probably easier for them - there's a lot more of them, and it's easier to simply adopt an already-present style than it is to go with what you really like. (Although, for all I know, that IS what they really like.)

    So start giving that some thought. Start loving you more. Give yourself permission to dress the way you want, listen to what you want, and not be embarrassed by it. You don't have to demean anyone else or their styles. Just love your own. Stay friendly and assertive, and slowly, you'll feel the coolness descend. It won't be an overnight thing, but you'll see it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  10. Jim1454

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    As hard as it is to do, don't rely on finding someone else in order to be happy. Because that depends on someone else coming along. It leaves you completely out of control of your own happiness. And that's not good.

    Instead, do things that will make you feel better, without the need to have that 'special someone' around. Odds are that when you start to feel better about yourself, that special someone will notice you and they'll find you, not the other way around.

    Does that make sense? Don't wait. Do.