my dad was on my computer without my permission last night and he said we ''had to talk about the sites i go to'', well i checked the computer's history today and he basically saw all my lesbian shit.. we didn't talk yesterday bc it was late and i was going to bed but i know he told my mom. i'm so scared i'm not ready to come out idk what to do if he brings it up again today omfg why
What types of things did he see? EC? Porn? Support info? There may be a different reaction depending on what was seen. I think if it were me, I'd try to calm down (after having a panic attack), talk to any friends I'm out to (or quickly come out to someone who might be supportive), and try to make a game plan for various scenarios (who starts the conversation, the other person's mood/reaction/knowledge of the situation).
he saw pretty much all that (my tumblr, lesbian blogs I follow which go from advice/ support to porn and other lgbt sites with the same content). i'm not sure if he was mad at me, i mean he was but it was about something else, so i really have no idea what he exactly thinks about it but i'm sure it caught him off guard. I didn't talk to my mom yet either but she came to my room this morning when I was still in bed give me a kiss before she left to work and she treated me normally so I guess she's not freaking out? but i didn't get any reaction from him and i'm extremely nervous bc we don't really have a good relationship. And what honestly upsets me the most is how he found out, i'm not just nervous i'm fucking mad too and i don't know if i can keep calm in case he brings it up bc he din't have the right to invade my privacy like that
Steel yourself and be ready for anything. How do you think they will react? Maybe he was amused, thinkinh "Well I can't blame her?" ^^ I'm not trying to belittle your problem, just trying to help you predict what's coming. It's likely they'll say 'porn is bad' etc. It's also possible they might go from there to girls shouldn't like girls, or find another way to get to that point like you shouldn't like girls. It seems there's no wayaround either coming out tothem or flat out lie. Are they homophobic? Will they treat you badly because of it? Even lying might be ineffective since, well, one does not simply reason away haviing watched lez material... Steel yourself for anyreaction. And you might be more or less forced to come out. If you are, be ready to stand up for who you are. Hugsies, Good luck
Thank you They're lowkey homophobic but I don't think they would disown me or anything. I'm mostly upset by the way he found out bc it's not only embarrassing for me but also invasion of privacy and if I already didn't have a good relationship with my dad this just made it worse. Anyway idk what they are thinking like are they surprised i like girls? or surprised that i didn't tell them? I didn't talk to my mom yet but she came to my room this morning when i was still in bed and gave me a kiss before she left to work like usual so I assume she's not freaking out? at least i hope so.. but no matter how they react this is extremely nerve wrecking for me, and even if they accept it i doubt that they will understand and i honestly don't want to explain, if i didn't come out to anyone yet it's bc i'm not ready to talk openly about it, i hate this situation so much
He doesn't have any business going through your porn. Look, my reaction, when I am in someone else's space and happen upon that person's porn stash, my face turns red, I quickly close whatever drawer it is that I opened, and I say, "Whooops!" I mean, it's like my hand accidentally brushed past that person's genitals while my hand was hanging at my side. I certainly didn't mean to do it, but I dance away as quickly as I can to dodge the purse. Even if the purse doesn't come, I feel it whack across my head anyway and even see the cartoon stars because I know that other people have a right to their boundaries. If the talk is about anything, I think it ought to be a very sober, firm discussion regarding boundaries. He owes you an apology. I would make sure he straightens that out first, and then discuss the fact that you are gay or bi. Priorities!
At 16, you don't necessarily get privacy, Christiaan. Parents still need to protect teens, and often check up on what they are doing.
A 12 year old maybe. A 12 year old doesn't fully have the understanding that he or she has rights, which is part of why we try to keep the pedos away from them. I would actually be comforted if my teenage daughter were actually thinking about things like boundaries and her rights, especially if she had the ability to discuss it intelligently and in an informed manner.
Trust is an odd thing. We demand it from others, get upset when trust is violated, but never accept that maybe we violated their trust. The amount of information being blasted at us overwhelms me. I can not fathom how our younger generations can cope with this assult all the while the PC police dither as to what 1% is allowable to be thought. @Miss Blueshadedsoul: Sometimes we do things that deep down we want to happen. Your father "finding" your stash might be a deep internal desire to tell them who you really believe you are and have become. I wish you the best.
