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Scared of Family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SushiCats, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. SushiCats

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2015
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    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm not out to my family, but I do have some on my Facebook which I have my interested in as female (but people rarely look at that) and I post about how strongly I feel about my fellow lgbtq+ members. But I've been noticing some of them posting homophobic/transphomophobic things. Especially with Caitlyn coming out as trans lately they've been posting negative things about her, which honestly makes me want to delete them even though they're family. I feel that some of them may know that I'm a lesbian now and seeing how homophobic/homophobic they are, I'm scared to even just be around them. Does anyone else have to be around family like that? How do you handle it? I just don't feel safe anymore...
     
  2. Compute

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2014
    Messages:
    111
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    Location:
    Manchester, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I can relate very strongly to this issue. The grandparents on my dad's side of the family are incredibly anything-phobic and are at that sort of age where they don't mind saying whatever they want.

    About a year ago, my grandmother got her very first laptop, and she went and got herself a facebook account and has used it for nothing but gossip and judging since day 1. I used to be an active facebook user to talk to friends but my homepage was being flooded with her making post after post about what the world has come to (a fair few being about LGBTQ+ topics).

    Needless to say I deleted my facebook account shortly after she joined, for two reasons really:
    • I too had my orientation open on my facebook account
    • It was very demotivating to see those kinds of posts, especially when other people were liking them

    Obviously their behavior continued but it really helps your mindset if you can block out the constant stream of negativity. How I began to counter that sort of behavior in the future would be to mock or out-wit many of the things she would say in public. Not in a way that outed myself, but just poking fun at her narrow frame of mind used logic and sensible outward perspectives.

    If you or I could take anything from it all, it would be that sadly people wont change. I'm not sure how old the relatives you're referencing are but if they're a bit older, on average they tend to stay more with their own ideology. It hurts at times but I always recommend having a friend who you can contact in case of an emergency - someone who'll give you shelter if worst should come to worst.

    A lot of the fear I have towards acting in the position I'm at is my dependency on my family, and so at a younger age it wouldn't be sensible to shake the nest before you can fly. Once you're able to support yourself then is the time to comfortably out yourself without fear of being kicked out, or in worse cases abused. That way, they're not in a position where they can blackmail you or tarnish your standard of living based on their views and aggression.