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How do I come out as bi when EVERYONE thinks I'm straight?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sapphiregirl, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. sapphiregirl

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    London, United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Nobody would ever suspect that I'm bi. I've never told anyone about the fact that I've liked other women and have felt very attracted to them before. Well, besides one of my good friends, but all I said was that sometimes I think women are really beautiful. I never told her about my crushes.

    My whole family and all my other friends think I'm straight too. They know I've dated boys, but they'd never know I like girls too, because I've never been with a girl. How do I tell them? Do I tell them each one at a time? Write a letter? Wait until I'm in a relationship with a girl? What if my grandparents find out... they are homophobic :icon_sad::eusa_doh:
     
  2. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Take things slow and try not to get too overwhelmed. Maybe try to do some more hinting. Like you could comment more frequently on if you think a girl's hot or if you like a female celebrity and you could also bring up LGBT issues more. At this point, you may want to try coming out to just a few people who you're close to who you think will be accepting. That might make you more comfortable with people knowing and you'll have a better idea of how to handle it when coming out to more people. Best of luck!(*hug*)
     
  3. looking for me

    Full Member

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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    like the above poster said, no need to rush. and for the record many of us who come out at Bi, are/were prescived as straight by everyone, i know i was/am.
     
  4. Lyana

    Full Member

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    It's definitely possible. That's really the whole point of coming out: so that people realize you're not straight. Clearly, every single person I know thought I was straight until I started coming out. It makes sense -- "straight" is the default orientation associated to everyone, like it or not.

    I'm bi, too, and had dated guys before I came out, so I can relate. Just breathe in, breathe out calmly and try not to panic. It doesn't have to be hard!

    • The first step is the hardest, but it will help you gain confidence. Pick someone -- preferably not a family member -- whom you know you can trust, and who you're sure will react well and be supportive. This is often a good friend, or a friendly LGBT person you can count on to be understanding. That person will be the first person you tell.

    •Now figure out how to tell them. Some people may disagree, but I think, in general, the best way to come out is face-to-face and out loud. The words may be hard to say, so you may want to practice listening to yourself say "I'm bi" to see how they sound. Pick a place and time: you don't want there to be too many people around, and no one to overhear, and you don't want it to be rushed -- so don't tell them just when they've got to get to an important meeting! You want to give them the time to take in what you've said and react. Be prepared for surprise and questions -- but, since you chose this person carefully, the overall reaction should be acceptance.

    • Once you've told this person, make sure to ask them not to tell anyone else just yet. If you've chosen well, they'll respect your privacy. You can ask them for advice on who to tell next, and how.

    • Proceed in a similar manner if you have other people you can trust to react well.

    • Start dropping hints. Don't censor yourself. If you find a girl attractive, say so (not more than you would if it were a guy, but you know what I mean). Discuss LGBT topics to show you care (I was always a passionate defender of LGBT rights, long before I came out -- that helped to clue some people in to my non-straightness).

    • Your parents... might be the hardest people to tell. With them, you really might want to test the waters by talking about LGBT topics, if you don't already know where they stand on LGBT stuff. If they're homophobic and you depend on them financially, definitely rethink coming out!

    • The most important thing: come out for one reason: because you want to. Don't let yourself be pressured into coming out because it's what non-straight people have to do, or because you feel guilty. Come out because you don't want to hide that part of yourself, you feel good about it, you want support. Come out for the best reasons.

    Good luck!
     
  5. bibeauty28

    bibeauty28 Guest

    Hi Sapphire,

    I too am bi and only been with men (thus far). I just came out to everyone this year. It was both the scariest and most exhilarating thing I've ever done! I wast mostly scared to tell my mom. When I did the first words out of her mouth were, "How do you know?" And, of course, I said, "The same way you know you're straight." She was shocked. Which shouldn't have come as a surprise to me since I have only ever dated men and talked about them more so than woman. But she was/is great about it.

    I told my dad over a txt. He and I aren't that close and he lives in Hawaii, which is 6 hours behind me. So I didn't really feel my coming out to him really warranted a phone call. He was/is great about it too. Although, to warn you, coming out over a txt is nerve wracking! If the person on the other end doesn't txt you back right away you go through a myriad of emotions and, for me, fear and panic were the two emotions that were in me the most while waiting for my dad to reply.

    To my closest friends - I did one on ones. Some of them I invited to take out to eat and told them, "So, Hey, guess what.. I'm bi." Like it was no big deal. Which it wasn't at all. And one I called to tell (she and I are long distance friends now).

    If and when you decide to come out to anyone I would recommend coming out and saying you're bi right away. Don't lead up to it. The person you're trying to tell isn't listening to your prefaces and reasons why you want to tell them. They are wondering what it is that you will reveal and they will probably be trying to guess the whole time. Also, if you lead with your reason for the conversation (Hey, I'm bi.. or whatever) than it's over and done with and (hopefully) by the time you're done getting those words out you'll have all the time you want to spill your guts about the reasons why you're telling them.

    My acquaintances on Facebook just got a coming out post from me. I said,"Hey, to all my lovely friends. I have something I want to share with you all. So I'm just gonna leave this here - #OutAndProud #ILoveMyRainbowHeart #BiPride #HateMeIfYouWantTo #PleaseLoveMeIfYouCan." Everyone was supper supportive and now I am free to comment/like/post/share about any LGBT thing my little queer heart desires.

    I feel fortunate. I didn't lose one friend or family member in my life after I told everyone I'm bi. Even the few people I know that are the religious type that believe that LGBT people are sick. I'd like to think that those peoples beliefs just got challenged. lol Even they have stayed with me and love me just the same.

    I hope that when/if you come out that you have nothing but good experiences. And just know that we are all here for you to support you. Whether it's to tell you uplifting stories, ground you, caution you, or give you encouragement through the coming out process.

    All the best to you and good luck in your journey, Sapphire!