My uncle is very sick, he has an infection that went into his blood. I've always been very close with him and was hoping to eventually come out to him. But now I don't know if I can. I don't want him dying and not knowing, but if he reacts poorly I don't want our small amount of time to be filled with unnecessary heartbreak because of me. I'm very scared, what do I do?
I am so very sorry to read about your cherished uncle. May his suffering be diminished until the end. I would say that you should tell him as soon as possible. This is rarely the kind of news that hastens anyone's demise. If he loves you as you say he does, he won't mind, and in this last stage of life, there is often a generosity of spirit that opens, and acceptance becomes easy.
I would say do it. But start out saying you love him and don't want to upset him. Generally, when people hear you don't want to upset them, they're more receptive. Psychology is weird. ._. Just explain how you felt about whether or not you should come out to him or hide it from him until he dies. He cares about you, right? You two are very close, you said. I say go for it. He deserves to know, I think. EDIT: yeah, and what great whale said. I'm not sure if you want me to say, "sorry for your loss." Some people get pissed with that. But I will say if you want to talk about anything, just send me a message on my wall, cause no full membership yet. :\
Here is the way that I think of it. If he has very wrong perceptions about what being gay is, then you could just make him less informed about you than before you came out. Unfortunately, a lot of people of the older generation were taught things like "Gay people are mentally disturbed and don't have control over themselves, and they're gender-confused" and things like that. They were taught a lot of things that are just inaccurate, and it's hard for older people to give up old beliefs. Rather than just telling him something new about you, you could just confuse him. If you have a girlfriend or a wife, that's different. That puts a substance to it, and it puts a reality to it. It gives you a case-example of what being a lesbian is, so rather than him just having an empty label for his frightened mind to fill up with nonsense, he would know what you really mean is that you love another person, and that might be all that mattered. If he is a very tolerant man to begin with, I would side with coming out, and I would certainly side with coming out if he were a gay man because knowing that there is another LGBT in the family might make him feel more understood if he were gay. The only reason I'm reluctant is that I am imagining a very scared and confused man who, by no fault of his own, was taught many things that were just not true. He doesn't have long left, so I would focus on helping him understand you in a more complete way, not just this single dimension of you that shouldn't matter anyway. If you think he would understand, though, then knowing this might help give him peace. Furthermore, a dying person is very scared. There is nothing that can be done for this. We try to sanitize it, in our culture, but my partner went through terminal cancer. I lived with him every day. He put on a brave face for everybody else, but he was honest with me. It just ain't fun. You know him, and we don't. You have to make the call.
Has he ever offered any indication how feels about LGBT issues? If he hasn't said anything negative and he seems kind and tolerant, I would certainly tell him. If, on the other hand, he is rather traditional and conservative and likely to react badly, I would avoid confrontation. An argument at this stage would be upsetting for him, but also for you - it may also spill over and draw other members of your family into the situation and leave you rather isolated. Overall, I agree with Christiaan. It is a judgement call for you to make. Be guided by your relationship with him and the type of person he is.
