an answer. I'm not really in any angst, just patiently waiting for an answer. I'm just like a lot of people here. Am I? Am I not? To be or not to be (gay), that is my question. I have physical urges toward men but they are all much older than me. I have never been good at talking to women but have been to that side as well and enjoyed it. Perhaps my real question is... Do parts matter less than love. If so, how do I play the field on both sides looking for love. Patience is my obvious answer to any search, (you know just wait for it to happen), but somehow I feel a more proactive approach is definitely necessary. Maybe all I need is a Copy of the Idiot's guide to dating. I'd take an idiots guide over a dummy's guide any day (seriously, way more comprehensive). But how in the Hell does male-bisexual dating work?! Some chicks get grossed out by it ya' know. I offer this post for those of you who have a thought on the great question of the many. I offer my situation up to all of you. To give it your all and give something to the other confused bisexuals in the name of the people here who have helped you. Support is the greatest gift that we give each other. Your answers could help more than you ever believe. Thanks.(&&&)
Here's the best gift you can give yourself - acceptance. It seems like you'd be accepting that you're gay, or bi, or straight. But you don't seem able to accept that, frankly, you're not entirely sure yet. And THAT, my DLF, is what you need to accept. Be cool with it. If asked (by someone you don't mind knowing), be honest. "Honestly, I haven't quite figured it out yet." And eventually, you will. What do you do to help you get there? The three step plan - wait, date, masturbate. Wait. You won't know today, or tomorrow, or by the new year. Know it. Accept it. Date. If you find someone interesting - either on a physical or emotional level - ask them out. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't actually want to. Don't go to bed with a guy or a girl "just to see what it's like". If you really want to, great. If not, skip it. Masturbate. Keep your fantasy life alive and active. Don't leap on anything as "proof". If, right now, you're getting off thinking about older guys (or girls your age, or the proverbial hamburger-making robot programmed for elbow sex), then cool - roll with it. Don't assume that means anything long-term. That's just what's floating your boat this week. Enjoy it. Maybe next week, something else will make you hornier. If so, go for it. Yeah, some guys know they're straight or gay from Day One (or Day One post-puberty). If you don't, don't force it. Don't be in a rush to hang out your shingle. You'll figure it out. Lex
Thank you. I'm not really upset or depressed or anything. I just don't know any good alt. lifestyle role models. You know? It's like, wow ummm, how do I walk both sides. but you're totally right. I don't know the damned answer, and I just haven't accepted it yet. This is a really nice dose of perspective. I've been looking for a place like this for a long time. It's kind of amazing how we fall into bubbles it seems. I've been reading a lot of other threads like this one and it's cool to not be alone anymore. at least not on this.
Hi Pen... By now, according to your other posts, you've figured yourself out...but since I'm late finding this post, I just want to add a bit to it from my own readings and discussions with others in similar situations: It appears that if you have strong desires for both genders, you will eventually fall in love and start a relationship with one-or-the other...then what? Most partners aren't OK with you having extracurricular activities with their opposite gender. It seems like a really tuff place to be. Don't mean to rain on your parade there buddy, but I guess it depends on how your sexual desires eventually fall out...and if you develop stronger attraction to one or the other and if you can live without the sexual gratification of the one you're not with....while in a committed relationship, that is. Food for thought. Tim
That is true. However, there are girls on the other side. I would prefer to date a bisexual guy than a straight guy for a few reasons (I'd also rather date a lesbian than another bisexual girl, yeah, pretty hypocritical I know). I know I probably wasn't too much help. But at least you know that there are some girl that are attracted to bisexual guys.
So, its like a continuum of sorts...we may have a definite preference, but would be OK if the right person came along that didn't exactly fit the bill... As far as my choice of sexual partners is concerned, if the guy I want to be with, also has desires for women, that doesn't bother me. I guess I fall in the 'open relationship' catagory at this point in my life. (Which doesn't mean roaming the streets getting it anywhere possible, just being open for possibilities should they arise and allowing a partner the same freedom)
I'm in the same place as you, Pendrin2020 - still not sure what I am/want. Ok, so I'm rather younger, but... yeah, I can very much sympathise with you. And for what it's worth, I'm with colbiemarie: I would much rather date a bi guy than a straight man. Some girls may be put off by it, but if they are, they clearly just aren't mature enough / the right person for you.
really just go with the flow. Don't think about who you should like and just like who you like. Role Models? Robyn Ochs is the Goddess of Bisexuality. walking Both sides, idk if there is really a difference. Unless you plan on dating a girl and guy at the same time (with them both knowing and being ok with it) if thats what you are talking about i do not know how one does this, probs with honesty and communication? But none the less I hope you find your answer
