Hello, so I've come out to my parents before, and they didn't take it too well. Well, mostly my mum. She just ignores it, which hurts a bit. She refuses to talk to me about it at all. I'd like to keep her in my life, but I want her to accept me for who I am. Anyway, I'm going to write a letter, but I'm not sure what to put in it. I know I'm going to put in suggestions for things she can read to find out more, and might suggest she attend our local chapter of PFLAG. Any suggestions for what to put in the letter? And what other resources I can point her to? :help: Thanks!
PFLAG has some pamphlets and resources for parents and friends. Maybe including them can help make things easier.
Maybe - I'll enquire if our chapter has any - I've never heard of them before. If they do, I'll include them.
Here is the letter so far... Any suggestions? Spoiler Mum I've written you a letter to hopefully explain things a bit better. I speak better through written word. Firstly, I'd like to tell you that I love you. I know you know what I'm going to tell you next. I am transgender. I identify mostly as male, and not at all as female. But I'm still the same person! I still like chocolate, and "white food" and have an irrational fear of spiders. The only thing that's changed is how I'm presenting myself to the world. This is me, I'm happier when I'm trying to appear male, when I'm read as male. My depression? That started around the time puberty did. The more mother nature made my body look female, the more depressed I got. I just pinned it on bullying, since I wasn't really aware that transgender was a thing. I've always fit in better with the boys, and not just in a "tomboy" way. I felt like I belonged with them - like I was one of them. I never fit in with most girls, because their was always some barrier I just couldn't cross - I wasn't one of them. All my closest friends are male, and while this may not be an indication of gender, I feel like I belong. I wore baggy sweatshirts year round through high school to hide my shape, even in summer. You told me at times that I was making you feel hot, wearing those. My bad posture that the physio talked about was due to slouching to try hide my chest. In my year 13 year I got a binder. That's a singlet like tight shirt that compresses your chest so that it looks flat. When I'm wearing those I'm a lot happier within myself and my body. I've had dreams where I've had male anatomy, and woke up in a good mood. I've experienced something similar to "phantom limbs", but with male anatomy. It feels like it should be there, but isn't. I'd like to change my name, because although "Lauren Elizabeth" is a fine name, and I appreciate the thought that went into it, it represents a chapter of my life that is now closing. It doesn't really fit me in this new chapter of my life, and as my parents, I'd love if you and Dad were a part of choosing a new name for this new chapter. Think of it like a book being written - the first chapter was called "Lauren Elizabeth", now we have to name the next chapter. This is something that's important to me - it is me, and just as you've been my mother for the past 20 years, I'd love if you remained my mother for the rest, accepting me as I change and grow on this new path. I've been your daughter for almost 21 years now, will you accept me as your son?
Haha, so its been a month. I posted the letter on Monday (its currently Wednesday). Now.. To wait... I'm very nervous.
My dad replied yesterday afternoon! He sent me a text message saying Now, to wait and see what my mother says.
That's awesome that your dad is accepting of you. I know that I'm a bit late to this thread, but if you are still in need of some resources, there are some listed here.
Thanks resources are always handy I'm still worried about my mums reaction, any mention of gender hasn't been met positively before. Although, I'd not kinda explained everything previously, since generally she cut over what I was saying. Figured she couldn't do that with a letter
Tbh the idea of you really being his son might actually be a lot more apealing to your dad then your mom just inherently. I don't know that for sure but it seems like it may be part of whats going on here and maybe why your moms reaction is a lot less positive. Ive never been in his position or your position so im not going to pretend like i know but yeah.
