Hi all, So recently I have been trying to muster the courage to come out, and the time is so perfect (I think), but I don't want a relationship or sex at the moment (I think), should I really put all this unnecessary strain on myself??
If you feel like by not being open about your sexuality, you have to hide a part of yourself from others, then I think you should come out. It's not good to have to pretend you're not attracted to the same sex and I think after you come out, you'd feel a lot better and wouldn't have to worry about it. Also, if you come out now, it may make it easier to find a relationship with a guy or a girl in the future. If, let's say, you do find a guy you like in the future who's also gay/bi, you wouldn't have to come out to them first just so they know you're available. And if you do want to have a relationship with a guy, you may find yourself having to come out all of a sudden and feel rushed. So I think it would be better to do it when the time's right just so you don't have to worry about it later. But at the same time, if you really don't feel ready, maybe you should wait a bit longer. Or maybe you could come out to a friend or two that you're close to.
Coming out is less about being in a relationship and more about being authentic with yourself. The problem with being closeted is you're hiding a pretty significant part of who you are, and that creates shame and affects self-esteem. Certainly, some people don't come out until they're in a relationship. But waiting means that you also put off the process of dealing with the shame and self-esteem issues. The longer you keep your authentic self under wraps, the more those messages ("I'm not worthy of people seeing the real me") impact you. Now... that said, you should come out if and when you feel ready to, not because anyone else wants you to or thinks you should. I do think it benefits you in a multitude of ways, but at the same time, it has to be something you're ready to face.
I would say coming out is only done for yourself, and it will be more difficult to get into or maintain a relationship if you're always looking behind your back to not "get caught". Also, you don't have to tell everyone all at once. Just first try with close friends/family. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2015 at 12:47 AM ---------- Also, since this is your tenth thread in the Coming Out Advice forum, maybe you should just try talking to at least one person. That's always the hardest choice, but it will get the ball rolling.
