So I basically just said on Facebook that I'm tired of denying to myself that I'm attracted to women. Just about everyone who reads it already knows about that and the few who don't will not be shocked. But I'm nervous that it's just... too much information, like they're going to think talking about my denial is too personal. I mean, maybe just saying I'm not straight would be OK but I shouldn't go into more than that? It doesn't bother me but it might bother them. And there's still that voice inside me saying "What if you're not really attracted to women and you're just confused," even though no one really cares that much anyway. (Only friends can read it. I don't totally trust that, but I don't have anyone I need to keep this a secret from either so it doesn't really matter. It's mostly to myself that I need to come out, ironically. Or maybe that's not really irony but I'll shut up now.)
Hi, womaninamber: I don't know. I've always thought of this (FB) as somewhat of a grandstanding approach. I think it's fine for VIPs and celebrities. If your circle of friends is small, as is mine, they can be told in person, on the phone, and one at a time. If your FB page has friends and acquaintances who are peripheral, why do they even need to know? Seriously, if you don't frequent them and don't plan to, I don't see the point. I think social media is getting slightly ridiculous, with FB used to tell people at which expensive restaurant a person is eating and all sorts of other dirty laundry (this topic is not included - I was just ranting, thinking of massages and manicures). It is no longer a venue I care for because of all the showing off and TMI, not to mention an easy way to end friendships. My vote is no. Others may have a different take.
The post wasn't mainly about coming out, and just about everybody who reads it knows I'm not straight. It was more about me being fearful that it's too late for me to have a girlfriend in the first place. Which then again is also too much information for Facebook but I don't have anyone at all to talk to right now and I'm getting desperate. I'm not going to take the post down because someone commented already but I put a note that I didn't mean to be inappropriate. Because yeah I do totally see your point that it's attention-seeking.
Hi Womaninamber, I take it from your first sentence that you have already done this, so I am not sure what tightrope meant by "my vote is no" it seems to me (and I could be wrong) that tightrope thinks you have not gone through with it yet. As you said there is no one who you need to keep this a secret from so to begin with may I suggest not doing other peoples thinking for them, this seems to be a sure-fire way to drive yourself demented over something you can never really have control over. As you have said almost everyone of your FB friends know already and more importantly your child knows!. Personally it does not seem like too much info but obviously I don't know your exact words or if they are just FB friends. Either way I am sure you are getting yourself in a tizzy over nothing, if they really care they will be very happy for you and if not you should not care what they think. I have always been afraid to offer advice in case it was wrong and I hurt someone, I have little to no experience with this sort of thing but felt, having read the other reply that I should at least give you my opinion in case it could help you I hope this helps, if not please tell me I would hate to give bad advice again. If you ever need to talk I will be right here! John
Yeah I really think you are right, that I'm getting worked up over nothing. I have a tendency to do that. The only person I thought might not know already commented about how it's never too late which was very nice of them. I guess I just... felt like I finally had something to share but since really it's not that exciting I should probably have just kept it to myself. (I don't mean that's what you're saying! I just mean... I should just calm down and realize this is nothing.)
Hi again, I think it is exciting, although I am sure this time of questioning is very confusing it is very important for your future happiness. You have shown immense courage thus far and I would hate to think that you would keep this to yourself because of these worries or indeed what other people say. I myself have the same worries about never meeting someone I am just 35 and have never even held hands with anyone. I have always been completely alone with no sort of intimate contact. But if being here and reading peoples heart felt comments and stories has taught me anything it is this, there are plenty of people like you and I and we will meet that someone special we just need to keep to this path and keep, regardless of perceived problems, exploring, questioning and talking to like minded people until we become at ease with who we really are and begin to live and enjoy life the way it should be...TOTALLY FABULOUS!! I really hope this helps, John
Just following up... actually everybody on Facebook was really supportive, including the one or two who (probably) didn't know. And they seemed to get that I'm confused, and worried over being alone. Everyone wanted to tell me it's never too late. I just hope they're right. In retrospect maybe I shouldn't have done it but it all turned out OK in the end.
Hello womaninamber, I too announced on FB my sexuality. I made it short, sweet and to the point without it being too serious. I said - "Hello to all my lovely friends. I have something I want to share with you. So, I'm just gonna leave this here. #OutAndProud #BiPride #ILoveMyRainBowHeard #HateMeIfYouWantTo #PleaseLoveMeIfYouCan." I was shocked at how little people cared. I think I got two comments and six likes only! But I am SO glad I did it. I was sick and tired of keeping it a secret. I just wanted to get it off my chest and let it be known to everyone. And I don't regret doing it at all. I feel free now that everybody knows. So I say, good for you! I hope you got what you wanted by declaring your thoughts and feelings on FB. You were totally brave! All the best to you!
