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Define Being 'Ready'

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by iConor, Jun 7, 2015.

  1. iConor

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    I am confused as to what 'readiness' or how one knows if one is ready.

    I have known that I'm gay since the age of 11 and I've been okay with that since the age of 13. I totally accept myself for who I am.

    I contemplated coming out to my family recently. The thing is, my family is so loving and supportive that I know they would accept me... But this should not be a question of acceptance. My sexual orientation is not something that I should have to announce...
    But it is. That's exactly what it is.

    I feel obliged to come out to them (even though they probably already know.) I feel like I am lying by not doing so and somehow guilty for not doing so yet. But I don't think I am ready to come out.

    When I thought about coming out, I was terrified. I don't know why, it feels like a stupid thing to be afraid of but I am.

    My question is, is coming out something that I should grit my teeth and do? Should I jump on the bomb and get it over with? Or am I simply not ready? Will it become easier to do with time?

    Is being 'ready' finally being brave enough to do the terrifying or is being 'ready' the time at which it is no longer terrifying?
     
  2. Christiaan

    Christiaan Guest

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    Well, coming out is very scary, and you're right if you think it is not logical that we would be. When we've got it out of our systems and in the open, it seems so silly and even prosaic, but remember that it is illogical to expect human beings to always behave logically. To be too wedded to the ideal of yourself as a "logical person" reflects a Vulcan emotional attachment to a way of thinking that can never be real and can never be truly healthy.

    Coming out is a meaningful experience for you. Once you are out, you really can't turn back. It's not something that you can undo. It's like taking an exam: you feel like there is one way that you can get it right, so the people around you really understand and don't just think you're some creep. I'm not trying to tell you how YOU feel, but I am trying to empathize by saying how I felt.

    The best way is to spend more time reading other people's experiences, and read some of the coming out stories on the sub-forum, here. Read those, take notes, and get inspired. See what kind of coming out really works for you. That's why this forum exists, for us to share our experiences.
     
    #2 Christiaan, Jun 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2015
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    I haven't come out to many people before so I might not be the best to give advice on this, but honestly I think you should go for it. Since your parents are accepting and all, it should go well. Even though it may seem weird to have to announce who you are to people, it also makes sense because you want them to know who you are sexuality-wise. Having to announce that you're gay is kind of weird, but I think once the awkward part is over, you'll feel so much better afterwards not having to hide or go on having people think you could still be straight. Hope this helped and good luck!
     
  4. bi2me

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    Since you already know, and you think they will be supportive, you might want to bite the bullet when you start to get interested in dating someone. I agree that sexuality isn't really anyone's business, but if you are close with your family, you will want to share your life/dating partners with them.
     
  5. musicman1982

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    Hi iConor,

    Everybody is different when dealing with this issue. If you are under 18, don't feel pushed to come out, I'm not saying don't come out. Take your time with it, if you don't feel ready to. A lot of coming out can be a case of situations like yours, where they feel they have the support and love with family and friends, but don't feel ready to at the same time. Don't feel like it's unusual, because it's not, it's totally normal. As I said, again. Don't suppress it or hide it, just enjoy the life you have now. Because you will experience so many things, before you come out.

    When it comes to anybody else knowing, it's nobodies business but your own. If you are going to go on to college, university or whatever you decide to do. You will get to know yourself so much more and this is the period, where I'm sure your parents would want to see you established, independent, healthy and most importantly happy. So, if you say that your family and friends will be supportive, then what is there to worry about, once that you get to that stage of being established, independent, healthy, happy and being with friends and someone who will love you for you. Because they will appreciate you as a seperate person and identity, as much as people say "Oh I feel completed by this person." It shouldn't feel like that, it should feel like you have a basis of friends with a mix of support and love.

    If you are over 18, the information I have written should still apply. If you can find a LGBT Youth Group, Group or Gay/Straight Alliance and I'm sure they will give you more practical information and most importantly in person. I hope this helps?