What Is Being 'Ready'?

I know I can trust everyone else on EC to give you the usual answers (wait, dont wait, ask a friend for help, etc.) so I think I'll give you a bit of a different answer.

If you don't want to come out, then simply be out. That's how my brothers learned that I was gay. Because I had already come out to my parents (they sat me down and asked me, knowing I wouldn't lie), I acted how I wanted to; I brought my bf home and pointed out how handsome Richard Madden is (in my opinion, I hasten to add).

It's a personal thing, coming out, and I know that some of the older guys on here seem to think that the rapture begins when you come out, but – from the experiences of me and a few friends – your family might have already picked up on it and don't mind if you come out now or years from now.
Good luck!
Connor

 

For many people, being ready simply means they can't hold it in anymore.

 

Yeah, Connorcode, I understand us older folk see it as a harder thing. One thing is that, if you grew up in the mid-20th Century to the 1980's, coming out was a much bigger deal. It was really a change in your life. It was a real test of what kind of person you were and the strength of your relationship with your family. It's still meaningful, but as people grow to be more accepting in general of gay people, it's a lot less stressful than it used to be.

I was born in 83, and we still had the sodomy laws, then. You could really have been sentenced as a felon, in some states. In fact, before 1962, it was a felony in every state, and you could actually be sentenced to prison and hard labor. The prisons were so harsh, at the time, that you were likely to be seriously ill and have a lot of health problems coming out, like more so than today. At the time, prisoners were routinely beaten for insubordination or just for the hell of it, like more so than today. Only relatively recently have all remaining laws, of that nature, been struck down.

Do not take for granted how important it is for us to come out, though, just because it is easier. It is only because Americans have friends and family they know are gay and because they know what kinds of people we really are that we have been able to do away with these laws. People are terrified of what they can't see. People are afraid of what they don't understand. Those of us who have the ability have almost a responsibility to try to participate in educating the people, simply by being our plain selves.

If you are gay and out of the closet, you are part of the "lab" portion of other people's education that they need to be able to understand this complex world. Some people are harder to get through to than others, like a tuxedo cat vs. a tabby. Where a tabby is too lazy to pitch up a fuss, a tuxie will yowl, claw, bite and scratch to get back to a more familiar situation. We have all kinds of different people. Some are just harder to reach. Similarly, because we have all kinds of different people, each of us has a different way we need to come out...each of us has a different time...and some of us just can't, and that is fine. As we keep smoothing the field out, though, it will gradually become easier.

 

Honestly, you'll know when you're ready. I'm almost in the exact same boat, knew I was gay since I was about nine, but I didn't question it at all because to me, trying to change who I am didn't sound like fun. My family probably knows, I just haven't told them, and they're obviously waiting for me to come out by myself because their supportive like that. I plan on telling them on my 18th Birthday. I'm basically gonna call them to the dining room table or when I'm opening presents and just say "Oh yeah, you guys probably already know this but I'm gay." Nothing else to it.

This is of course how I'm gonna do it, you can come out however you want. But only do it when you want to, don't feel pressured to do it (Especially if you know they'll be supportive of you)

 

You are ready when you don't care what anyone else thinks. You are ready when you accept yourself for who you are. You are ready when you feel happy about being gay. You are ready when you want everyone to know the real you. You are ready when you are in love with someone and you want the freedom to be open about it. It is your decision to make,it could be a little nerve wracking, something that most people are nervous about. I'm sure you have been soul searching about this, everyone has a different set of circumstances and different personalities. Try and relate it to other tough decisions you've had to make, was the end result as bad as you imagined it to be? Some people aren't afraid to just speak their mind, others are a bit more timid. Do you have that courage? In the end your parents want you to be happy in life and you want to be happy too. So whatever makes YOU happy. I hope I helped, or at least gave you a different perspective on it, good luck!

 

It is an obligation I suppose. It doesn't have to be but somewhere deep down we know not everyone can assume the right thing.

Don't feel terrified ever! It's inevitable that in the end, even if it takes some time, the outcome will still be as good as ever! Not everyone is accepting but you know, screw them.

Anyways, being ready is when you're ready. It's all about your comfort and whether you believe you can do it or not. Also remember that it just doesn't have to be you but the ones your telling. When it feel comfortable letting someone know you just need to feel good about it! It's who you are! embrace the gayness and just relax because it's a really big but incredibly good step! That's just my opinion though ^.^

 

I can speak on behalf of my partner, because I watched what he did as he had similar perspectives as you. He never officially came out. He was just gay. The first time there was any real official confirmation from him was when he brought me home to meet his family. He was 27 at the time. Everyone greeted me with kindness, no one had any issues. That was about a year and a half ago. Then, when we got engaged, he had still yet to tell anyone that he was gay, he simply told his family we were getting married. Everyone has been really supportive. no issues.

 

iConor, I was very much in the same frame of mind as you when I came out.

I'm not religious (and have no spiritual baggage about being an abomination), have an accepting family (and knew they would be fine with my sexuality), was absolutely certain I was gay... yet for months I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The only thing I can really come up with is I didn't want to be perceived as "that guy" when you tell people you're gay. You know, as if they suddenly see you as effeminate and your straight guy friends give you glances of doubt during more intimate moments for fear you're secretly into them.

I think because I came out in my 20s, there was some doubt about how I'd been lying through omission for quite some time because I had denied being gay when asked a few years earlier (though to be fair, I wasn't 100% certain at that time).

------------------------

Now, as far as being "ready," I think it simply means that you're certain you're gay and you're ready for others to know. You're also aware of the possible consequences of coming out (being disowned, loss of friends/family, prejudice, etc.)

If/when you decide to go through with it, best of luck! Hopefully it goes perfectly as planned, and often times it can be a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders. (One of) the biggest secrets of your life is no longer a secret and you'll be able to share with people who you really are.

 

For me it was just "I can't f***ing take it anymore! I have to tell her!" (her = mum )

Well first of all DON'T RUSH IT! Only you will know if you're ready For me I found out I was gay and accepted it at 15 then came out at 15, but I know people who found out at age 14 and didn't come out until 18.

To put it short n' sweet yes lol.

Hope this helps!

 

I think it can still be really scary even if you are at the point you are bursting to tell. It's different for everyone.

 

@Bi2me ^ nailed it pretty well