How do I move on?

Take a look outside. try to calm down. I've been there. I would sit in my room wondering why the world wouldn't just end so that I wouldn't have to feel like this anymore. I would keep asking questions about the futility of it all and I just wanted to feel a pair of arms around me. Everything in my head kept on colliding and I couldn't make it stop.

Trey, I can't tell you what to do. But the best advice I can give you is to cut him out of your life and focus on what you need to get through this. He ended the relationship and hating him isn't going to help him or hurt him, but it can hurt you. when something like this happens I need real people to talk to. get on the horn with some friends from back home and call a couple of hot lines to find some kind of support group. My group saved my life, they helped me though deaths and more inner turmoil than I pray that anyone ever feels. You can get through this. Tomorrow will be here, and life will carry you to new people and love.

PM me if you need ANYTHING.

 

Being gay has nothing to do with this. Straight people go through precisely the same thing. You've seen the books on the bookshelves - "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". They're there because people have trouble fathoming "the other", and can't figure out how women/men could act this way. Ends up that, most of the time, it's not a gender thing. It's just a human thing. We act and react differently.

What do you do to move on? Baby steps. In a sense, moving is a positive thing. You're no longer forced to go to "those places" where you hung out, see those mutual friends, be reminded of him even more. So expand on that. You see he made a post on myspace. That means he's still your friend on myspace. There's your first step - delete him. Not in a vindictive way, but in a "I need to move on" sort of way. You can readd him later once the scars have healed, but right now, you need to stay away from reminders. Delete him. If he's still on IM, delete him there, too. Archive any past e-mails from him to CD, label the disc, store it in a box, and delete that stuff, as well.

Then what? Move forward. Live your life. You'll probably have to force yourself to take steps, but take them. Call your old friends to chat. Do your best to stay social. Chat with people while in line at the coffee shop, with the grocery clerk, with your co-workers. It'll still hurt for awhile, but it'll gradually lessen.

Hugs for you.

Lex

 

As the ex-boyfriend, I should probably stay away from this and let him get the help and support he needs. But there are a few things I'd really like to say, that I feel I haven't gotten across as clearly as I'd like to in the few brief phone conversations we've had since the break up.

I still care about you. That will never change. I am always here for you. If you ever want to talk, I'm a text message or phone call away. I may not know exactly what to say, and we have some awkward silence, but if you need to talk to me, by all means, do it.

Or...maybe you need to disconnect for a while as Lexington suggested. If that's what you need, I'm ok with that too. But I really hope that we don't lose touch completely if you do decide to take that route. You're an amazing person, Trey. You really are. No one has ever impacted my life the way you have. Right now, I just need time to myself. I have to find myself. I have to go out and live. To be honest, I felt kind of restricted in our relationship, but it wasn't the relationship itself that was restricting me; it was you. I hope that isn't too offensive, but it's the truth.

And as I told you earlier today, never say never. I don't want to give you false hope or make it seem like I'm thinking about changing my mind, because I'm not, but maybe we do have a future. I honestly don't know. But I don't want to put you on hold either. Don't wait for me. Go out and live, like I'm trying to do. If you find someone, be with them. Don't let me hold you back.

I hope I've helped, even if just a little bit. I feel so helpless. I know it seems like I dropped our relationship overnight and moved on without feeling any emotion whatsoever, but that is sooooo not the case. I know I haven't cried as much as you, or felt anything close to what you have, but this does affect me too. Please remember that.