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Been in a funk the past few days.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by starfish, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. starfish

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    The past few days I have been feeling weird. I've just been feeling sad. I don't know how to describe it, guess the best way I can put it is that I am bummed that I am not straight anymore.

    It was always expected that I would meet some girl and get married. I had kind of hopped this whole crushing on guys thing was a phase and that I would learn how to want a woman. I am listening to some music and one of the album covers features a drawing of a naked woman. Realizing that I would never find that attractive, made me feel like I am missing out on something and that makes me sad.

    I've never really wanted children, but today I saw 2 kids playing. I realized that I will never be able to have children and I just about lost it. Guess I could adopt or go the surrogate route, but that not what bothers me. I can't do something nearly everyone else can. I don't know it just hurts.....

    Before I was just a white male, really they have it pretty well. No one ever really has anything against white guys. Now I am a member of a minority. One that a lot of people hate for no reason and that they want to take away rights from. What really hurts is to think of the disparaging gay comments I have heard friends and family make over the year. Now I am in the group they are pointed it at.

    The unknown. I don't know what is next as I go out there and that has me scared.


    I've been doing some reading on the web and it looks like it is normal to go through this. Just helps to talk about it. All I know is that I just want these feelings to go away.
     
  2. TheRoof

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    first of all i'm sorry that ur feeling down...:frowning2:
    u could always adopt or artificially inseminate ya know...
    u don't have to have kids "conventional" way...
    and about the whole minority thing and gay-hate stuff,
    it's not just gays that people hate with no reason,
    people always try to bring u down when ur not conforming in any shape of form
    whether it's like a personality or a race or whatever...
    u ARE beautiful no matter what they say, so don't let anything bring u down!!!
    cheer up !!!
     
  3. xequar

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    Consider this: The things you THINK you've lost... Did you ever REALLY HAVE THEM in the first place? What were the chances you would have had a happy and fulfilling marriage to a woman when you weren't physically attracted to her? Would you have been able to "grin and bear it" long enough to actually make a kid with her?

    The thing is, you HAVEN'T actually lost anything. Straight guys get attacked if they just look gay, so you haven't lost the shield of straight protection. You have about the same likelihood of natural procreation now as you had before. If you hadn't found that naked woman on the cover attractive before, what makes you think you've lost something?

    No, accepting who you really are is a process of GAINING something. You gain the opportunity to meet the person that's TRULY right for you and maybe spend your life that that person. You gain the opportunity to be something more unique, instead of just a carbon-copy straight guy. You gain a great adventure as you venture forth and finally claim the life that's been waiting for you all along. Coming out has a whole set of bonuses, as well (big risk, big payoff).

    *hugs*

    You are who you are. If you're honest with yourself about who you are, you can take advantage of it and enjoy it. After all, what the hell's the point of life if you ain't gonna live it?
     
  4. starfish

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    Yes that makes perfect sense. Guess this whole process is overwhelming. There is just so much stuff going through my head right now.

    I decided I had to get out of the house for a little bit, but did not want to be around anyone, so I went for a drive one out in the county. I find that always help me clear my head and process everything that is going on. I was gone at least a good 2 hours.

    I was thinking I have had a lot going on this year I graduated college, moved to a new city, got a promotion with a lot more responsibility, and am now coming out. Really I am ending a chapter on my life and am starting a new one. I think this is what I am really feeling the loss over. I'm going from what I knew and was comfortable with and am heading into to unchartered territory.

    You are right I have not really lost anything that I did not have before. Only difference is that now I know they are not there and I have to find what is. I really do have a lot to gain to by coming out. It is going to take time but I'm going to get there. Next week one of the local gay support groups has a meeting I am planning to go to. I'm looking forward to going, a little apprehensive but I think it will be good to go.

    Also while I was out I figured out how I am going to come out to my parents. They are very religious and I know they will object on those grounds. I am going to ask them to read Romans 14. I am then going to tell them I am gay and that I have faith that God made me this way. I think I am going to wait I a little bit to tell them. I want to wait until I am comfortable enough with my self to deal with their potential reaction either way.

    The other thing I thought is that it is good that I am letting these feelings out. In the past there is no way I would have done this. I would have just keep them bottled up until they exploded. Guess that is a positive right there. I am learning how to deal with my feelings.
     
  5. Pendrin2020

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    Good for you. I'm also coming to the point of accepting. I kind of always knew, I just let the question hang over me. It's a beautiful thing acceptance. there are a lot of other things about me that I had to accept before I could even scratch the surface of THIS. Things I go to support groups for. I really honestly don't know what I would have done without those people. I say this in just about every post but support groups saved my life.

    Good luck and lots of hugs. Be as strong as you can and hang on to god.:thumbsup: