How far did you plan ahead

I had what I call a "Catalyst" moment that awakened me to the idea that I am gay (where previously I thought I was just bi), it took me six months from my catalyst moment to accept that I was gay. From there, it took me a week to start the coming out process to people. I did not plan any of the dates, it all just fell into place as I got my head around things.

 

It's not necessarily about "planning ahead," but about being sure of yourself and confident that you want to come out.

Personally, I only set dates for two people: my mother (because it was the last time I would see her & my dad together for a few months, so I figured then or never), and my best friend, because she and I only see each other on set dates anyway, since there's some distance between us now.

The rest of my "coming outs" were spontaneous, because I felt like it, because I was comfortable in the moment, or because there was an opening and it was casual. So. Planning dates is definitely not necessary.

Also, not crying when you come out is probably a good thing.

 

I tried setting a date before I came out to my parents, and I found for me that didn't work at all. I ended up constantly postponing it for weeks because it was never a good time / moment to do so.

Finally one day my mom and I were having a chat everything was pleasant, we both had nowhere to go, so I just told her.

By the time I did come out, I was ready - both emotionally, and sure of my sexuality. Beyond that, if something did happen, I was financially secure.

I would highly recommend reading a few articles about coming out. What to expect, how you should do it, reactions to anticipate, etc. Maybe write a letter / paper explaining your sexuality. You don't have to send it and can just delete it, but at least it gets your thoughts, emotions and story down on paper. It gives you a template to recite when you finally do it.

Best of luck and I hope everything goes well for you when you do finally decide to do it.

 

My coming out was about a year and a half in the making, from questioning to final realization... I was in a great position in my life when I was ready. Yes I've had a few emotional issues to deal with, and I dealt with them. I still question each time I do it. But it gets easier. First pick your best "outcome," mine was my best friend who seems to be a magnet for gay folk. After that it was a few close friends, then my sisters, then my fav cousin, then just recently my parents. After that I pretty much told those that know that it's out there and I'm not hiding it. Still don't think it's necessary to come out completely at work unless there is a reason, keeping business and personal separate.

My friend group is very odd. There are a lot of siblings, so pretty much I could tell one and let them tell the rest. Same with my family, tell one and the news travels faster than a wildfire.

But it really took a lot of thinking and a few catalysts for me. One I saw my cousin take back control of her life and divorce her no good husband. then I'll admit I made one last attempt with a girl, she was pretty and kind and there just wasn't anything there. I still find her very attractive but it's just not really what I want right now.

Each time I told someone there was a moment where I thought I'm telling so and so. No real reason, it was just the right time. Any other time I chickened out, unless that little moment of clarity came.

Long story short. Don't set a day or a time. It happens for a reason each time. You'll know the time and it will be right for you. You'll know who to tell, and it will be the right person at that time. Don't worry about chickening out, that means it's not the right time.

 

I made my sister plan when I would tell my parents. She had me do it that very day.

 

My only plan for my close group of friends, was to come out before I turned 20, which I did with 12 days to spare.

 

Plans... My plan is a war made of different battles. I deliberately came out first to a stranger who became for a short time a 'partner', then people in my family I felt they would react positively. My whole process from knowing it to accepting it was 25 years, since I was a kid, so ...

The strategy is to get good feedbacks at the beginning, so I'll feel more confident when the hard ones come my way. I try to picture clearly the most hurtful words and reactions, so I won't be hurt when I get them... Or at least not badly hurt.

As I have said, it took 25 years, and my case is about gender more than orientation.. When I come out to somebody, they inmediatly rush to ask me 'well, are you gay?'.

 

I didn't plan on coming out as asexual at all, my parents just happened to find a place in our conversations to know. I don't particularly like the idea of coming out - I don't know how to say this without sounding rude or something, but sexual orientation is not really a big deal in my family. So it was never something I felt I had to tell anyone. But I understand coming out is important to others and a plan can be good; I like the idea of a letter, even if you don't use it or read from it. It's just good to have all your thoughts down and then you can come out when you're ready.

Now, despite my thoughts on coming out, planning to do so is what's happening in terms of coming out as genderfluid/trans masculine. It's not a very detailed plan, though I'm using the letter idea to get my thoughts down even if I don't give it to them or read from it, but my deadline is my birthday in the beginning of December. I feel like it's something they could probably know, because I want to medically transition, but I have one year of uni left and I'm looking for work and a place of my own to live by the end of uni, which means I hopefully won't need to rely on them, so if I don't come out by my birthday I probably never will and that's fine by me.

 

I never planned! I just fully accepted myself and never thought *wakes up in the morning* "Oh yeah I'm gay!" Basically what I'm trying to say there is I just didn't think about it. I just came out when I felt I was comfortable to do so and when the time was right.

Personally I just think planning is a bad thing.

So? I never cried lol me and the person I came out to just hugged.

Just remember we're always here to help you

 

I only planned where I would tell my mom but not so much the speech. I randomly told my friends one on one when I worked up enough nerve then and there. I didn't plan on telling my sister the night I told her. And it all worked out great! It was organic and sincere. Not forced and rehearsed. And let me tell you, sometimes it doesn't go like you thought it would. But that's ok. In the end it should all work out.

Don't worry about not crying. I only cried a little bit when I told my mom. And even then it was more like my eyes welled up, but that was about it. So don't feel like you need to cry at all. You do you. That's the best way to come out. (*hug*)

 

I made plans, I set dates, but missed them all cause I chickened out every single time. Then one night I got drunk, the topic of gay people came up, and I just blurted it out. No regrets.

 

i didn't at first it was when i was confusing stuff with me being feminine and my sister thought i'm not sure if i'm a man blah blah blah
then i came to terms with everything about myself and i came out to everyone in my family except my dad some knew by accident i didn't care though i had a more better plan was to wait till i get out of here get a boyfriend take pic of us kissing and send it to the family and write JUST MARRIED !
NOW THAT was the huge coming out plan !!!!!!!!!
too bad my little sister accidently told my other sister that im attracted to boys out of being nice to find someone to accept me i don't blame her she thought my other sister is open minded she is an innocent kid ^_^ my other sister told my mother and so my news spread around the family
god i so wanted to do the big plan ugh T_T