Hi there, I have been trying to deal with my sexuality for about a year and half now and I have come to a point where I'm kind of stuck and I could really use someones advice. Most of the time I am pretty sure that I like girls and when I feel confident about it, everything in the world seems awesome and I can't wait for people to know and to just be myself and free. But everytime I imagine myself actually telling people, I start to panic. I don't know how to say it, because the words still have a somewhat negative meaning in my mind. I start feeling really insecure again. I start questioning if I really like girls (which normally I think I do), whether I like guys and if it is possible that it is all just some big misunderstanding and that I am just straight as all the 'normal' people (I'm not, but my panicy me forgets it). When I am able to think logically, I know I had a HUGE crush on this girl last year, I really enjoy watching series and movies with queer characters in it, because it makes me feel represented, I have to make an effort to look at guys in a romantic way (with girls it just happens) and I really like the idea of having a girlfriend. It just feels right, you know? I think I panic, because even though I hate to admit is, there's still some part of me that thinks being gay is wrong, even though I know it is not and I feel fine most of the time. I also don't like the idea of being different. It feels like by coming out I instantly distance myself from all the 'normal' people and that I'll never fully fit in anymore. I know that it probably isn't true, as my best friend has become only a better friend after I came out and that keeping this secret to myself only creates more distance between me and the people I care about. I just don't know how to fix it anymore. Everytime I try to take a step forward I am being pushed back so hard. Should I just ignore this feeling and come out already or do I still have to wait until my fears sort of fade away? And will it just fade away? I feel like being myself around people and experiencing the way that they accept me will help me accept myself, but I am afraid of showing this part of me that I am not yet comfortable with all the time, because it makes me so vulnerable. I just don't know anymore. Any advice will be highly appreciated.
Hi, Im in the same boat! Try talking to someone, I did, it helps. It doesn't make anything clearer but stopped my head from exploding. Try it, things are settling now and I'm pretty sure I'm gay too but you don't have to be 100% certain. When you meat the right person you'll know. (or at least that's what I hope)
I understand some of the things your going through, I am still looking for help from this community and I may not be the best person to speak to but I can relate to the fact your questioning who you are. I often question if I like girls instead of boys but I know deep down I prefer men. I would recomend speaking to any of your friends. They are your best bet and they'll probably help you choose the right path. Kind regards, Creator.
Hello there Alinaers, I have known from the single digits age that I liked both genders. I went through many phases regarding my sexuality. First I ignored it for years. Then I decided I was a monster and that I must have been sick for being attracted to both genders, then I went back and forth between thinking I was bi and thinking I was straight. I was raised a JW. I was brainwashed for years that lgbt ppl were all sick and disturbed people. I recently (two years ago) stopped attending meetings and stopped calling my self a Jehovahs Witness. After leaving that organization I have been happier than I could ever imagine. Now, that is. But even after I left, somewhere beep down in me, I continued to believe that I was wrong to be bi and I was sick. I argued with myself about that all the time. Now, after diving head first into the online world of lgbt+ for a year now I have finally beaten that voice in my head telling me I was sick and discussing. I love myself now. I still have days where I feel more straight than gay but this is so normal. Sexuality is fluid. There may always be ebbs an flows. And that's OK. I'm not saying that you're attracted to guys, but I'm saying that questioning your own sexuality is normal. And as far as you feeling uncomfortable being 'different' or 'not normal', I would encourage you to work on embracing the fact that there is no 'normal' in this world. We are all like snowflakes -- Not one of us is exactly the same. Imagine how boring this world would be if we were all the same. I wouldn't worry about people in your life not accepting you for being 'different'. If they truly love you they won't care that you like women. I know when I came out to everybody I was shocked at how nothing in my life changed. Not one bit. Everyone still loves me and life just went on. In this day and age people are much more accepting and probably won't even talk about it unless you bring it up. All of us (me included) at EC are here for you whenever you need us. I wish you all the best, Alinaers. (*hug*)
Thank you all so much for your advice! It really means a lot. @bibeauty Thank you for telling your story, it helps to hear that it will get better. I think I'll just give myself a little bit more time to get more comfortable with the idea before telling anyone. I'll definitely try to remember that sexuality is fluid, too, it is really comforting. Your advice is really helpful and I will work on it. Thank you, really.
I was (and still sort of am) in the same boat. I was really afraid that coming out to people would change the way they looked at me and somehow make me a different person in their eyes. However, I've found that has not been the case at all. Of the people I'm out to, I have yet to get anyone who changes their view of me. I'm still just as close to them as I was before, and they don't treat me any differently or act any differently around me. Honestly, it's kind of nice because my friends have accepted it and treat it the same as if I had a crush on a girl. The guy I like was at my house for my graduation party last weekend and had to leave early, so I said something along the lines of "I wish he could have stayed longer." Two other friends who were near me and know I like him smirked at me just like any other friend would have done if he were a girl. Only you know when is the right time to come out. Generally, you don't know the right time until it's staring you in the face. Almost all of the people I've come out to have been spur-of-the-moment decisions save for two important friends who I felt deserved to know. I just did it when the opportunity presented itself and it felt right. It can be kind of stressful feeling like you don't fit in with your friend group if they don't know, but remember that they are acting the way they are because we still live in a "straight until proven otherwise" society, and that is the general assumption. Chances are that, when you do tell them, they will change the way they act around you to make you feel less uncomfortable and more "normal." I hope this helps you out a bit, and please don't hesitate to message me if you want to chat! I'm always willing to talk to people.
