Hello anyone reading this, I'm seeking some advice for my relationship. I've been in a relationship (unfortunately long-distance and we don't see each other often but talk everyday) for almost 2 years now. About 8 months ago my partner came out as bi-gender. It took me some time to understand what that meant and for a long period I thought/felt that my partner might be transgender because I mostly saw them wanting to have female underwear. But since talking to my partner they made sure that this is not the case and felt that I didn't understand them, which was true. I love and want to support my partner but I find it being a struggle to accept this new identity. As much as I know how difficult it is for my partner to come out, it's difficult for me to adapt to as well. I do not know whether my partner wants me to treat them differently certain days. I know that it seems cruel but I do feel sometimes that I didn't sign up for both being in a relationship with John and Jane, only John (if you get my point). I want to be the all supportive loving partner but I somehow feel resilience to all this change. Sadly, I mostly feel this way when we are apart which is most of the time. I haven't had time to figure out if this is partly because we are far away and can't go through this together in the same way. When I'm with my partner I do feel like the person I'm with is the person I love and that this love is not binded to any identity they have. Is it wrong for me to feel like this sometimes? I haven't really spoken to my partner and it's hard to do. It's also difficult when I have to explain to my family and friends (when they ask) when I don't understand it fully myself. I apologize if this is confusing, but I'm very greatful for anyone taking the time to read and any response that I might get. / 20 yr old female
Most likely, your partner enjoys female underwear for the same reasons you do. Most likely, your partner likes feeling feminine occasionally for the same reasons you do. The man we will call "John" has always been this way. John is still John. Sometimes, part of what makes John happy is to be called "Jane." It makes that person feel more whole. It has always made that person feel more whole. It would have made that person feel more whole when he was FIVE years old. John is most likely wanting the same things that you do, which is to feel accepted, welcome and safe. People are really not very complicated. The world they have to live in leads them to believe, often, that they are complicated, but look for the underlying simplicity. The EFFECT might look complex, but it happens because of the simple, decent person that John is deep down, having to try to face a complex world. ... Actually, it sounds to me like you're trying to figure out how to come out as straight to a bi-gender spouse. Is that what we are discussing, here?
