The question is "is it wrong to come out as bisexual when you are really gay/lesbian? I'm asking this because I have came out to four people so far and three out of the four I told I was bisexual and not gay, so is this wrong or bad. The reason I ask is that I would like to come out to more friends in school next year and have really thought about saying I'm bi instead of gay. I am kind of pulled in both directions on the matter of whether or not it is a bad thing to do. You could say it is a good thing because your coming out a step at a time and it is fine to take your time since it can be hard and stressful regarding how you and the other person feels about the matter. You could also counter that the purpose of coming out is being true to yourself and whomever you tell and when you say your bi when your not. You are lying to them and is no different to being in the closet because in both instances you are not being true about who you are. I would love some opinions on this subject because it is one I feel I'm not the only one who has delt with this situation and let me know whether you think it is wrong or right to do this .
In my opinion this is one of those iffy situations. Some gay people find it easier, to soften to blow so to speak. But you're right that you are lying about who you are. It can also be a negative thing because it teaches people that actual bisexuals do not exist or are gay in denial, which is a problem since bisexual men have their identity invalidated more than gay men do.
I initially told a friend I was bi when he found out I was gay before I was mentally ready to tell anyone. I regretted it later and had to backpedal with him. I agree with falling down, it does some damage for legitimate bisexuals, especially when I knew for certain I was gay. It's a way to soften the blow & labels really don't matter, but it may create expectations for some people - "so if he's bi, why never any girls around?"
"Bi now, gay later" is a not unusual stepping stone for people who should probably be saying "Questioning" if they are desperate to label themselves, but not sure where they fall on the Kinsey scale. If you are sure you are gay, there is not much point in telling someone you are Bi, because most of them are going to translate that into "Yeah, he's gay but doesn't want to accept it yet" anyway, so you might as well buy the right label to begin with. If you are some kind of mixed orientation (loves girls emotionally, sexually attracted to guys, or vice-versa), you are not really Bi in the strictest sense, so a simple label isn't going to work for you or anyone who is trying to stereotype you into one of the standard labelled bins, no matter which label you identify yourself with as the primary.
I don't think it is wrong saying your 'Bi' when your actully 'Gay'. If you cannot yet say to others your 'Gay' then simply tell them your 'Bi' until you feel comfortable to fully come out! Kind regards, Creator.
I wouldn't say it's "wrong." It can be harmful to people who actually are bi, but it's not like lightning will strike you down if you dare to lie about your sexuality. If you don't feel comfortable coming out as gay, then you don't have to. I guess I just don't see the point. If you know for sure you're gay, isn't coming out as bi really just moving all your stuff into another closet? A newer, slightly bigger closet, but it's still a closet. I suppose you see it as a "step" towards coming out as gay, and yes, it can't be that -- but it shouldn't have to be. In most cases, coming out as bisexual comes with its own problems. There's no reason for it to be easier than coming out as gay (except potentially when dealing with your parents and the question of grandchildren). Homophobes are also biphobes (particularly when it comes to male bisexuality). People who are accepting will be accepting either way. If it went well with the people you told, there's a good chance they would have reacted the same way if you had told them you were gay.
I don't think it's a good idea. When I was younger I identified and came out as bi to avoid conflict. I didn't like the way people reacted when I tried to come out as gay. They always tried to find ways of denying it. People iniatally reacted better when I came out as bi. They seemed cool with it and didn't try to deny it. Everything was cool until I showed interest in girls. They would act shocked or try to push me to be more into guys.
Yeah, I kind of agree with Lyana, especially since male bisexuals have issues of their own. I did forget to add that male bisexuality is not considered to be "real", period, so when you as a guy say you are bi, 90% of people will believe that you're gay in the closet. So I think it's reaallllly not going to make a difference. Genuine male bisexuals are told they are gay by both their gay male and straight female partners, definitely not easier.
I understand why people do this, but to me, it seems really counter-intuitive. The point of coming out is to be open and honest with people in your life. But if you lie about your sexuality, you might as well not have come out at all. Kind of the "rob peter to pay back paul" concept. If anything, I think it would make it harder on you, as you would eventually have to come out a second time. Ultimately, it's your life, and your decision.
I felt safer and better calling myself bi, but as time goes I actually felt bad for that because I know I'm not bisexual. It is as bad to tell them you're bi as it is a lie. If you are really close to these people you shouldn't be afraid to tell them the truth.
It sounds little bit like - deep down - you're afraid to close the door to the possibility of being with the opposite sex.
@jp97, I've been struggling with this issue myself lately. At 51 I've been married for a number of years and have identified as bisexual for the last 5 years. Even though I have years of straight sex under my belt, I recently concluded that gay best describes how I feel about who I am. Once I embraced this label, I began to feel more empowered about my sexuality, that I had found the true me. So if you truly feel that gay best represents your orientation, then you should consider coming out as gay. As to whether it's wrong to come out as bisexual when you are really gay/lesbian - there is no right or wrong here. You need to do what feels right to you.
If you don't feel comfortable saying you're gay yet then I'd suggest saying you only like guys instead. That way you aren't mislabelling yourself.
I'm 100% Bi, I've thought about it ever sense I had feelings about it and understood it more. A lot of people personally believe male Bisexuality doesn't exist yet I've dated both men and women and am attracted to both genders. There were times when I thought I was straight or gay but in the end I felt like I couldn't just be attracted to one or the other.
I also agree with Lyana - I don't think people will really accept you more as bi than they would as gay, and if you are sure you are gay then it's good to just admit that. That said, I don't think it's a moral issue as such if you want to tell people you are bi. You don't owe anyone the truth about your sexual orientation. Sure, when people do that it might give some people the impression that guys who say they are bi are really gay but you're not responsible for that.
