Extremely insecure

I am the same way. I used to be a lot worse than I am now.
For me I always had in the back of my mind that If the people I were talking to knew I was gay, they wouldn't be talking to me or looking at me in the way that they are now, so that was a big reason I was so insecure about every aspect of myself. I also have been a really shy person since I knew what being gay was, so I don't think I'll ever be a super outgoing person like some people are. That just isn't me.
Also I am a 'people pleaser", I put others before myself ALL the time. If i don't like something, I'll say I do just so they are happy and won't get mad at me. Or if I want to do something and they dont, I'll lie and say I really didn't want to do it anyways, just to keep the peace. That goes along with the 'gay thought' I mentioned. I have had this thought that once I fully come out everyone will abandon me, so I have always thought I should be completely overly nice to everyone I come in contact with so that once I do come out they won't hate me as much.
I still think that way, but it isn't as extreme anymore. Ever since I've came out to my sister, and realized that not everyone hates gays, I've realized that I'm not the bad person I convinced myself I was.
I think its about self acceptance mostly. You have to get to that point where you realized that you are who/what you are, and you have to be proud of the things you can't change. I'm not the most attractive guy, but I know that somewhere someone finds me attractive. I know I'm not the smartest guy ever, but i know that i am very smart in certain subjects, and that I can always learn more about the subjects I'm not so smart in.
Just be positive towards yourself and you'll start to realize that you aren't that bad of a person. Know that there are people out there who love you. There are people out there who like talking to you, the world isn't fully against you because you aren't perfect...nobody is.

One more thing [ i know im writing a ton sorries:icon_wink]
I've noticed when I see someone who is like popular, or "cool" I think of them as "perfect people". And before I would try to avoid those people because I wasn't perfect. But I have some friends who are those "perfect people" who i was once scared to interact with. What I've realized is that they aren't as perfect as they seem. They are just confident with themselves, they know their flaws but they know they have good things about them too.
So basically just take pride in your strengths and let them shine. Confidence is attractive.

Ok i'll shut up now lol :icon_redf

 

don't let it all get into your head. People tend to let down others but always believe in yourself. Think of some things to make yourself better. I get insecure once in a while but i focus myself to change. well, I'm always here for you if you need any, but im not really good at giving advices but i can give support. Take care! :icon_wink

 

I just wrote in another thread about something similar, so I'll just hit the highlights.

Beauty queens have one advantage over us mortals - they catch the eye quicker. That's it. If BQ waits for someone to approach, and if someone goes to talk to him/her, and BQ just looks down at the ground and mumbles an answer, BQ doesn't have a thing over us mortals.

Cool isn't the clothes. Cool is the attitude. The attitude that you are you, through all your good and bad points, and you're cool with them. So start loving you more. Love your mustache-y, unibrow-sporting, wrong-answer-giving self. Listen to your favorite music, wear your favorite clothes, do your favorite hobbies, and love doing it all. Because people take a cue from you. If you love you, they'll think you're worth loving.

Lex