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Guilty

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by corb, Dec 7, 2008.

  1. corb

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    So i started going the Presbyterian Center and its weekly worship service. I thought since i was surrounded by christians and i still consider myself part Christian that I should go to some type of Church [but not Baptist... cause i hate it so :***:]

    This is the place where the Gay Metro something church meets also. But I decided to go to the evening service cause i hate morning and it's more student centered. So i met so awesome ppl there and enjoyed myself.

    My intent is to actually meet some gay Christians for friendship or a relationship cause i'm so over the bar scene. i feel a little guilty to go to church to meet guy basically, but isn't it a good way to meet gay guys I have something in common with, guys who aren't as crazy as at the clubs?

    I'm not really religious so much as a guy who tries to be "good" and do good i the world and is very honest out of sheer laziness. Still it's probably not a coincidence that all my closest friends are hardcore Christians... >.>

    Is this really a good way to find someone? Should feel guilty about my alternative reasons for going?
     
  2. Mestiz0

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    I wouldn't say its a GOOD way to meet a guy, as in, you won't find many of them. But it can happen, and yes, it will result in you two having something in common, which in itself makes the whole going to church, good. :slight_smile:

    I REALLY hope that made sense...it made some sense to me...but it's 1:30 in the morning...so I will come back and revise this statement after I wake up :icon_redf
     
  3. JCal

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    I think if you can find someone in church then it's not a bad thing.
    It's not like you're looking for a random hook up, because you could easily find one at a bar or club or something of the sort.
    I actually think it's a good idea. If you want a relationship that works, finding someone with similar interests is your best bet. And if you happen to find that person in church, good for you :icon_wink
     
  4. Lexington

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    Depends. Are you looking for someone to have a one-night stand with? Then yeah, you should feel guilty. :slight_smile: But you're not. You're not shopping at the meat market. You're looking for people who share your interests. Acquaintances, friends, and who knows - maybe something more. And that's a given wherever you might go - the club, a night class, a book club. You're looking for people who share your interests. And if that's at church, then to church you go. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. xequar

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    This is the bit that strikes me.

    Ok, so you want to meet someone for an actual relationship. That's awesome! No reason to feel guilty about that. Like Lex said, going where you're more likely to find someone with whom you share interests is simply the intelligent thing to do.

    I would assert that the source of your guilt is not from searching for a relationship, but your choice of venue for that search. You said that you're not very religious. Here's the point where you have to ask yourself some serious questions. Do you identify as Christian? If so, why? Do you believe the teachings of the church to which you're going? Or, are you just a spiritual person that's using Christianity as a sort of "default" choice?

    I'm not trying to insult your beliefs. What I'm aiming for here is to get you to consider them and determine whether going to this church is in line with your beliefs, for whatever reason. If you're going to this church JUST to meet a guy and you don't really believe the doctrines of the church, I would assert you really have no business there. I would assert that, since you say you're a guy that tries to do good and be good, you're more spiritual than anything, and a church that focuses more on spirituality, as opposed to doctrine like a Presbyterian church would, might be a better option.

    My reason for going in that direction? If you're feeling guilty about going to this church to try finding a relationship, I don't believe the guilt is coming from trying to find a relationship. I believe the guilt is coming from being in a church that doesn't match your beliefs trying to find a relationship, and I would assert that if you were in a church that was a better match for your beliefs, you would feel far less guilty about being there because then you would be there to worship as well as find a prospective mate. From what I'm reading right now, it looks like you're at this present church not to worship, but JUST for a mate, and I would assert that THAT is the source of any guilt you're feeling.

    Whatever you do, I wish you the best. (*hug*)