This is kind of a long and complicated story... When I was little, my dad and I were incredibly close, but the past couple years have been rough... I mean, I know that's normal, but it was a little different.... long-story/short, everyone involved was pretty traumatized. In the last few months we've finally been able to talk like we used to, hang out, be close; we're buddies again. Recently I started coming out to everyone as bisexual, but there's a few friends/family members (the ones who're most important to me, unsurprisingly) who I'm still.... confused about. I know that coming out to my dad won't be an extinction-level event (he's not a homophobe or anything)- I just don't know exactly how he'll react, and if it'll make everything weird between us... and I'm not sure in what context I could even bring it up. And, should I even worry about coming out to him? It's not really an issue right now (I've got a dude-friend).... should I just wait until it... feels right (WILL it ever feel right?)? Anyway.. any advice you could give on this one would be great.
Hi, it seems like a bit of a pickle you're in, huh? I've seen a lot of people in a similar situation when trying to come out to their parent(s), so most of the advice I plan on trying to give you is just based off my experiences and my friend's experiences and could be completely opposite to what could happen in your situation. Sometimes it's really hard to know how a parent will react. For me, it was something that was never spoken about in the house, so I had no clue how my pap would react. When I told him, he took it exceptionally well, so it was surprising because I was almost certain he was homophobic. If you're not sure how your dad might react, one of my friends would drop hints, or make a comment about LGBT and see how they responded. But you probably wont be able to know exactly how he'll react until he does actually react if you decide to come out to him. Coming out can sometimes be uncomfortable to a parent, and could possibly make things a little awkward, but you can't be afraid of that. It's new information, and there can be some confusing and sometimes personal questions that a parent wants to ask, but they're too unsure of how to ask them. It's up to you to make sure you're comfortable with telling him, so that way it makes it easier to answer any questions he might have in order to lift any possible awkwardness that may occur. You don't always have to bring it up when the topic arises. I know a lot of people who simply say "I need to tell you something important" or they single out the conversation because it can be very important for both you and your parent to hear what you have to say. If you'd be more comfortable bringing it up when there's context to it, try to find an LGBT related topic such as a recent news story that could break the ice and get you both on the topic of LGBT. Last but not least, whether you come out to him or not is 100% your choice. If you don't feel it's necessary, then you can easily choose not to say anything, but if you think you'd feel better telling him, then you can do that too. Coming out isn't a necessary action Yes, it's very common, but there are a lot of kids who don't see the need in telling their parents about their sexuality and rather end up just bringing home whoever they're dating. If it feels right or not is also up to you and how comfortable you are with telling your dad, and the idea of him knowing this aspect of you. I really wish you luck in whatever you decide, and I hope all goes well for you! Feel free to add me or message me if you want to talk.
Yes, you should wait until it feels right to you, or when it feels wrong not to tell him, whatever the circumstances. It might be when you want to openly date another girl, or when the information gets out and you want to tell him before he hears it from someone else. If not being out is causing you problems, and you want to talk to him about it, that also might be a triggering event. You will probably know when the right time comes; most people do.
