Hi! Sorry if this is a bit rambly but I would really appreciate your help! I'm 25 and for a while now I have been questioning my sexuality. I've only ever dated guys, mostly because I felt I had to, to fit in. But the signs of me liking women have always been there. Like I remember my very first girl crush when I was like 8. I've always tried to suppress the possibility that I could be gay, just because I've always thought people wouldn't be accepting of that. When I was with my last boyfriend, it felt really forced. It just wasn't working and I just tried my best to keep the relationship going even though I knew there was nothing there, no future. I eventually broke up with him and have been in this limbo situation since with trying to figure out who I am. I kept thinking people around me thought that I was a lesbian so I'd go out of my way when I was with friends or at work, over exaggerating that I found certain guys attractive, when I totally didn't, just to make them think I was straight. But I don't know why I did this because people never once said that they though I was a lesbian, it was just all in my head. I think it was my subconscious trying to make myself aware that this could be a possibility. It was last year when I finally started to become aware that I really think I'm attracted to women. But I've never told anyone. And in the last couple of months I've grown to have strong feelings for a girl I work with, but I know that will never go anywhere because she's straight. I just don't know what to do now though. I feel that I'm exclusively attracted to women but I keep thinking like how can I know for sure that I'm a lesbian if I've never been with a woman? I wish I could talk to someone I knew about it but I've only got one real close friend that I would tell when I feel like it's the right time and a few acquaintances which I wouldn't really discuss this with. But I don't want to tell my friend or my family members even until I know for sure that this is who I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I feel like it's too late for me to come out if this is who I am. Like I feel that if I met someone who's been out a while, I'd feel ridiculous because I'm only just figuring out who I am now and I've never been with a woman. I wish I had friends in the LGBT community because it would be so much easier to talk to someone in the community about this. How did you know for sure that you were gay?
Most important thing about this: It is never too late. There are many, many people well into their 60's who figure out that their sexuality was not what they originally thought it was. A lot of people would probably disagree with me on this, but I honestly believe nothing is written in stone. Sexuality can be fluid and everyone experiences it differently, which is why it's kind of hard to help someone figure out their sexuality; Only you can really make the final call, and you're the person who needs to take the journey. Helpful, I know! But seriously, if anyone were to try and push you a certain way, or make you feel like your sexuality needs to be something because of a certain reason, it will never feel right to you. Just my little advice tips... haha! To answer your question though, on how I knew? I've never been with a woman, but I knew I was attracted to women. Before I was able to admit that I was trans I came out to everyone as a lesbian because I knew that I had feelings for women, and very, very little, to no feelings at all for men. Your third and fourth paragraph, about trying suppress your feelings, and exaggerating that you found men attractive was something I used to do too, a lot. It took me about a year after accepting it to come out to anyone though. I understood that the feelings were there, so I decided to do some research on different labels and whatnot such as Bisexuality, pansexuality and lesbian before deciding not to put a label on it. My attraction to women has always been there, and I understood that I didn't have to have dated/slept with a woman to realize I was attracted to them. That's my story. Do what feels best for you, I asked the same question a lot, and each answer was very different so if you'd feel comfortable exploring and experimenting before making a decision, you do that! If you think that maybe you don't need to do any experimenting; that you're starting to understand those feelings, then you decide your next course of action. Number one thing to remember: It's never too late, and you choose the course that you think is right and best for you. I hope it helped a little bit, and I wish you luck! This website is great, so if you have any other questions, I hope you find the answers you're looking for, and maybe some answers you just need but didn't expect. Feel free to add me or message me any time!
I've never been with a woman either, and yet I've known I was gay for nearly 11 years now. I was definitely confused at first as well, but I just took time to settle down and sort out my feelings. I finally understood when my attractions were toward women only and the thought of straight sex repulsed me. You may need to give it time too if the feelings are still new.
Hey it's late and I'm about to go to sleep but I didn't come out until I was 26 so it's definitely not too late, hopefully I can write a better reply in the morning.
It's never too late, say you leave it 20 years because you think it's too late you'll only regret not coming out earlier and then start thinking it's too late again!
