So my story is nothing origonal. Dysfunctional family leads to a confused messed up kid. I've always known I was interested in women but felt the need to hide that fact to make life bearable. Fast forward to age 24. I'm semi-on-my-own and comfortable with my true self. I'm out to my close friends and coworkers. Apparently I'm way more obvious in the way I act than I thought so they all knew anyways. We joke its my worst kept secret. The problem is I am living with and in a not so healthy relationship with a man. He thinks that being with a man there is no way I could be anything other than straight. He has to know something is up because a majority of our issues are related to women. Me looking at someone too long to be innocent, finding out about ex gfs I never told him about, or searching LGBT related topics onlIne. Anyways... I know I should tell him the truth and quit leading him on but after 4 yrs and him being the way he is how do I tell him and convince him that I don't just "need to hook up with a girl to get it out of my system?" The family is a whole different issue. How have you guys handled the super religious judgemental types? How do I explain being a lesbian but only openly dating men in the past? Will anybody take me seriously?
It might be easier to change the living situation before deciding on what to tell him. It may not be possible to convince him. The thing is .. you deserve to be happy. The burden of what he believes or doesn't believe is on him. You could break up and move out without coming out to him. You could tell him after breaking up. Or you could come out to him and just let the chips fall where they may. The writing is on the wall, so to say. It seems like you know where things will eventually go, you just have to find the courage to do it.
With the family, if they're extremely judgmental, then there won't really be any way to get them to understand. It will be more important to be grounded and confident, so that they can't tear you down. You can tell them that you dated men because you were trying to hide your actual feelings. They still might not take you seriously, but you can at least give them an answer. You're not responsible for their reaction, and they have no say over your sexuality.
