Even though I'm nowhere near to coming out to my dad, I'm sort of scared already. I would like to get some advice on how I should bring the subject up or if I should write like a letter or something.. But before that, I'd like to explain my relationship with my dad. I've never been close with him, we're really different and we don't have same interests other than music. These few past years we've become more distant than we've ever been before. We live under the same roof but some days we don't speak at all. I can't remember the last conversation that was longer than two minutes, pretty much. Also, I don't know how he feels about the lgbtq+ community, because even when there's something about it on TV, he doesn't say anything. And because we barely talk, I have never had a "serious" conversation with him. A few years ago when we did talk a lot more we just joked around all the time, so I really have no clue how he would react to me coming out. What I'm scared of in this situation is that we'll become even more distant than we already are, which is not what I want at all. I want us to get closer but if this is something he doesn't accept about me then I can't really see us being close again. s: I just want his approval because that's just a part of my personality, I want acceptance, especially from my dad. Woah that was really long, sorry about that. But yeah.. I would like some advice on how I should approach him with this when I do decide that I'm ready. Write a letter? Talk to him? And if I talk to him, how do I bring it up? Thanks already for anyone who had the time to read this and especially for those who reply.
Hi Lauraunnie :smilewave If you don't know how your dad feels about the LGBTQ+ community, maybe just try bringing it up. You don't have to come out straight away, just ask his opinion on the topic. If he is against it, I'd advise against coming out to him unless you have a place to stay. If he's for it, then that's great :icon_bigg. As for how to come out, I'd say just do it the way you feel most comfortable.
If conversation isn't great between the two of you and you are very different people, it might be better to address this issue in a letter. If you were in the habit of talking to your dad about different subjects, it might be easier to sit down and tell him, but this is a tricky subject and it could be awkward for you and him. It's something he may need time to accept and understand (most parents do), so be prepared for that. The advantage of a letter is that you get time to really think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. You can make several drafts until you are happy with it. Some people write long letters, addressing different issues in each sentence/paragraph, while others keep it brief and to the point. How you choose to structure and word it is a personal decision for you, but we do have some examples in the resources area of EC if you are stuck for ideas. The biggest advantage of a letter (for me) is that you don't see the immediate reaction of the other person and you will not be interrupted or challenged in the heat of the moment. A letter can be read and reflected upon, while a conversation flows (sometimes) back and forth and can become heated and stressful. The fact that your dad has remained silent when confronted with the issue on TV may be a good sign. When people have strident opinions about something they often vent their thoughts for all to hear. Even though you have very little in the way of conversation with your dad, it's clear you still care about him and want his approval. I hope he does react in a caring and positive way because it's something that may help to bring you closer together. Maybe you could address that point in a letter too? If/when you tell him, please come back here and tell us about it.
Thank you for answering Spot and PatrickUK! Your messages were really helpful and I think I'm going to write a letter for him, that seems like the right way after reading your messages. Although I'm definitely not ready to come out yet as I mentioned, but maybe I will be in a few months. Thanks!
This is exactly the same situation that I am in with my dad. We aren't close...we never have been and he never talks about LGBT anything. I've written 3 coming out letters but they were addressed to both of my parents. My mom has known for months now so I just need to focus on my dad now...I am scared out of my mind. He is a worry wart and always blows things out of proportions...but it needs to be done. I'm tired of living a double life.
In the United States, it's always worth remembering the contact details for PFLAG PFLAG National PFLAG has a lot of experience in supporting parents who are struggling to come to terms with a son/daughters coming out.
I've never been close to my dad too... He could never express his feelings (if he has any) and I want to tell him only when I'll be moving out. This way I won't be scared about anything. It's my damn life! If you feel like you are ready you should do it.
Interestingly my dad has been the one taking the lead in learning about being transgender. But I know what you mean when it comes to serious conversations. Those are hard but you have to have them. I have to because I plan to fully transition at some time and my parents have to face it or be out of my life. And like others say, it's your life. Live it how you see fit.
