I came out as a lesbian four years ago. I've always been a "butch" as people say. I didn't really have a coming out moment other than mentioning that I had a girlfriend. My family was understanding in person, but frequently talked behind my back - some semi-homophobic comments. Thus, I'm panicking at the idea of possibly being trans...and how they'd react. I've always been comfortable as a lesbian, so I have no idea why this FTM transition is in my head. I wanted to be a boy when I was a child, but I hadn't thought about it again until now. I don't know if I am trans or some other gender identity, yet it won't matter to my parents. Today, I found an old cowgirl hat in my closet. My mother called me a cowgirl, to which I replied - "I'd rather be called a cowboy; cowgirl doesn't seem to suit me." She spent ten minutes trying to convince me to be called anything feminine instead. She saw me making the hat more masculine and had a fit. She also had a fit when I called Caitlyn Jenner a "she" and says that she'd never accept something so wrong. (She calls trans people "it" instead of he/she) I know that my family won't change their minds. I'm thinking about joining a drag king group, as I'm a performer as it is. I only told my brother, and he laughed in my face. If this gender crisis continues, I have no clue how to approach the situation. I am twenty-one years old, yet I have to live with them for financial reasons. That makes them think that I'm still a little kid, and thus they try to control my life. So, how would you come out as trans to your family, or just as questioning/different gender identity? Would you talk to them about your thoughts/feelings or try to keep the struggle concealed? Thanks!
Hello, somehow I understand Your situation: I came out near 12 years ago, and it wasn't pleasure... As my mam says:" I don't understand your choice but I accept it", and a few years ago I'm starting to question my gender, as You I can't say that I feel uncomfortable as girl, but somehow this does not feel right also.. So I think first at all You should understand what exactly You feel about Your gender and what You want to do with it, and only after You would have 100% confidence what You want, You should tell your parents. Until that moment it's useless to think about coming out as trans and it'll create only unnecessary conflict. My English is horrible, but hope You'll understand
I would work toward financial independence. The more control you have over your own life, the less pressure you'll be under to conform to your family's beliefs. 21 is a hard age because you are so much your own person, but your parents still want to try to mold you.
Yeah, FtM trans*s seem so much less common. The reason is that they get far less attention in the media, and so many trans-guys go their whole lives essentially crossdressing without ever thinking that they might feel happier and fit in better as the other gender. It's also a lot more socially acceptable for women to crossdress as guys publically, which is actually a form of crypto-misogyny. The attitude is, "Oh, of COURSE women want to look like guys. Who wouldn't?" As a result, a lot of MtF trans*s feel it's urgent to try to look "passable," even though a talented clothing designer could very well make "feminine" attire that is fitted for guys and looks right on guys, entirely without altering them physiologically. That's already been done for women, viz "pantsuits." They look awesome, and they look sharp and sleek. So really, one thing that I would consider is the possibility that you might feel better as a person who is subtly a crossdresser. It is a lot easier for women to take on a masculine role without getting weird looks. If you really need to transition, then start with a professional counselor who has a reputation in the trans-man community. That is absolutely the place to go because they can answer so many of the questions and anxieties that you may feel, and they can put you in touch with organizations where you can meet other trans-men and trans-women. You would never regret seeing someone who has an appropriate license and positive reputation.
