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URGENT: PLease Help!!!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by loveislove01, Jun 14, 2015.

  1. loveislove01

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    I thought I'd wait to come out, but I'm in a situation where most likely, they'll find out.
    These are their views:
    -You're too young, you don't know what love is.
    -You're confused. You don't have any idea about it because it is your first time feeling close to someone.
    -You can only lip-kiss when you are married and kiss in other appropriate places in a committed relationship
    - This isn't a committed relationship
    -I never expected you to do this
    -People who say they like the same sex are confused.
    -Do you think about her naked? You kissed her, do you want to have sex with her?
    -Homosexuality is a sin, unnatural, and God would be mad at you. Is that why you're an athiest? Because God wouldn't love you if you believed because you are gay?
    -You NEED religion in your life. If you don't have it, you will become a very bad person when you grow up. How many people will you have sex with?


    ^ Their views, but they will probably be more shocked, angry and less open to discussion.


    They do like this girl. They know:
    -SHe makes me happy
    -She's the best emotional support ever
    -She's the only one I can talk to
    -She makes me happy, so it makes them happy to know we are so close and can rely on each other so much.


    My mom once compared our friendship to "what your papa and I felt for each other before getting married"

    My mom's more likely to accept.

    M-my dad may beat me up.

    How should I come out?
    I would not be thinking rational thoughts when I tell them. I'd be scared as hell.

    Help Please! THey'll probably know by tomorrow

    ---------- Post added 14th Jun 2015 at 11:51 PM ----------

    I KNOW this because my girlfriends mom found out and will most likely contact my parents when it is a good time, after school tomorrow, when she talks to my gf. WHat do I do?
     
  2. Im Just Me

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    It's different for everyone and I don't know your situation personally, and I haven't been in a truly threatening environment so I don't know how much help I can be, but I want to offer whatever support and discussion I can to try and help, because I know it must be really scary.

    Talk to your mom first. Try to have this open conversation with her, be honest. Don't hold back if possible, if you feel safe being open. Because holding back can make anything else in the conversation seem less genuine. Show her who you are and how you're feeling. Express your fear in your dad knowing, possibly? Explain that you are not trying to trouble them, or do wrong. It's not lustful. It's just natural feelings, and you can't help them. Ask her to please try her best to love you and work on understanding, even if she doesn't fully approve personally. Tell her you love her, and she raised you well, and you want to understand and trust each other. Stuff like that, make her know you're genuine and also scared, but your feelings are real.

    They know you're an atheist? If you're willing to discuss religion, maybe tell them your sexuality isn't what made you believe or not believe. (I mean, I'd assume it's more than a couple homophobic verses in an old book that decided your religious stance, but I don't know for sure.) But tell them that, if there is a God, you don't worry about him accepting or not accepting you, because you know that this is a thing you can't change, that you are born with. No God would put you on this earth, wiring you in a way He hates. Explain to them that the God they believe in preaches love, understanding, and acceptance and that they should try their best to understand you aren't choosing this, it's just what you feel, and you know it's natural and not disgusting or anything like that. Ask them to please try to be open-minded and put their trust in you.

    I see you're pretty young, and so as you pointed out there is always the "you're too young to know" "you're confused" and such arguments. And they are also definitely worried about your sex life, i'm sure. Ask them if they ever had a crush on someone at your age or younger. Point out maybe that even toddlers experience crushes- it doesn't have to be sexual. People experience special affection for others some times. It's not more or less than a familial or friendly affection, it's simply completely different. It also doesn't necessarily mean it is love yet, or that it is sexual. Relationships start as that different affection, and may grow into love. It doesn't necessarily mean you are in love yet, or will be. But you're also not too young to know what love is. Chances are, you'll be with other people in your life, and later experience a more intense love than you will at that age. (I'm 20, and I know I was in love with someone at 12 years old, and comparing it to when i'm in love now, I know I wasn't confused.)
    Of course, it can be. You're 13. You are exactly at the age where starting to think about sex and bodies and the sort of person you are physically attracted to is most natural. Point out that science backs this up, that a young teen will naturally be learning about themselves, their interests, their body and attractions at this age. That doesn't mean you want to go have sex, but the attraction is natural. (Of course, i don't know your personal plans involving sex.)


    Out of curiosity, how is it you believe they will find out?
     
  3. loveislove01

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    My girlfriend's mom read our texts, and she's likely to tell my parents, because we're best friends and our parent's know each other very well.
    Also, I do have a physical attraction to her, but it's not like that.
    It happened from a very deep emotional connection, the looks came later. And we agree not to go past innocent pecks on the lips.
    I'm pretty sure I do love her though...the way our relationship is, we really do care about each other past the superficial things, and have seen each other at our worst and best.
    I don't want to leave her..
    Yes, thank you.
    I will talk to my mom first...
    that's probably a good idea.
    She will tell my dad first thing though.
    My dad's sister's a lesbian, and he's broken ties with her, but he also re-friended her on social media...I don't know what that means, but..my aunt isn't very well liked in our family and they always say "don't be like her"
    Thank you ..


    Edit: and yes, they're aware I'm an atheist and will probably force religion on me.
    They're not christian, they're hindu, and pretty liberal in most other things, just not gays.
     
    #3 loveislove01, Jun 14, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2015
  4. Gandee

    Gandee Guest

    cases like this frustrate me! I wish I could be more of help :frowning2:
    When there is any update, please let us know. Whatever happens next, we're here to back you up.
     
  5. loveislove01

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    Thanks so much...
    I hate it too..
    The next update will probably be tomorrow after school :/

    ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2015 at 12:45 AM ----------

    I can't stop. My panic attacking is only getting worse
    .../

    ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2015 at 12:51 AM ----------

    PLease.. someone
     
  6. Mirko

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    Hi there! Deep breaths. Chances are that things will be okay. As it was mentioned above, talk with your mom first. If your dad has re-established some connection with his sister it might be a sign that he is slowly coming around to it - at least on some level.

    There is also something else you mentioned, and I wonder if you could not frame the discussion around the fact that the two of you have a deep emotional connection. Some friendships can become quite close and deep. You are best friends.

    What were the topics of your text conversations? Is there anything that could lead to your parents believing that you are in love with her?
     
  7. PerfectlyNormal

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    Choices:
    1. Wait and let them find out, then you have a chance of them not finding out.
    2. Tell and act like you do not care at all what they say to you about it.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    I'm with Mirko on this one. Focus on the deep emotional connection that you share as girl-friends and work any conversation around that point for now. It's okay to say that you love and care about your friend/s.

    Is there anything that you girlfriends mom knows that absolutely cannot be explained as the bonds of a close and intimate friendship (for now)?
     
  9. loveislove01

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    Yes..there were a few texts on kissing. I am sure friends don't do that regularly.
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    Maybe not regularly, but it's not unheard of. I know you are really worried and panicking about this, but many parents really do believe it to be a "phase" that many kids go through and grow out of. In reality, that's actually not the case, but it could be to your advantage for your parents to take that view.. for now.
     
  11. loveislove01

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    My parents have very strict views on it. There is no phase, I'm just confused and became gay because I turned from religion. And I can't lip-kiss anyone until I am married.
    ...that's what they think...and I don't know hat to say to them when the time comes
     
  12. David21201

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    Hey sweetie,

    My parents found out about me and my gf as well. I was still identifying as a lesbian then. Personally I found it best to tell them nearly everything.

    I cam guarantee that you and your gfs relationship is going to change...maybe a little bit, maybe a lot.

    If you feel like your dad will beat you up talk to your mom about it, your girlfriend, or possibly even your gf's mom.

    I wish you luck and if you need me feel free to message me.
     
  13. Christiaan

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    You are thirteen years old...THIRTEEN. At this age, your life always looks like Hell. Ask anyone around you. The drama, the politics, the backstabbing, the nastiness and spite and clannishness and personal insecurity...it's like Washington, D.C.! You look at Washington, D.C., and it's the same crap. If you are dealing well with ANYTHING at your age, then I encourage you to enter politics because you might actually have a gift for it. Odds are, you're not cut out for politics. Neither are most politicians, frankly.

    Weather the storm, and have faith. It will be okay. If you want to continue your relationship with Christ--which you might--then there are PFLAG groups that actually meet in churches that openly welcome them. There are organizations that you can get your parents involved in, which might take a couple of years at least to persuade them to care about. Start now, or you'll be old enough to apply for social security by the time they come around.

    Your life is hard right now, but buckle-down, and do your research. You can do this.
     
    #13 Christiaan, Jun 15, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2015
  14. Gandee

    Gandee Guest

    Hindus can be very strict when it comes to marrige and sexuality. I hope PatrickUK and Mirko are right on this.
    I forgot to add, I know two female indian friends identifying as straights, and they flirt with each other all the time (making kissy faces, writing love poems,..). No one seems to have a problem with it. They're just good friends.