I am moving to the midwest for grad school and I'm wondering if I should go ahead and come out to my new contacts there and start trying to date some women. I'm currently closeted to my family and friends in my home state. Has anybody else used such an approach? How can you do it in the age of Facebook? Also, I don't even know how to go about looking for a gay bar or to look for gay women except through dating apps and the like, and I really want to avoid posting a public profile because I'm closeted. One idea I have is to lookup some LGBT student groups at my university and fish for ideas there. I'm just really intimidated since I'm still closeted. It's hard to walk up to people confidently and admit that I'm gay without coming across as hopelessly conflicted and pathetic.
I came out when I moved for uni and that really helped me realize that my life has improved so much that It made no sense to stay in back at home (Sort of "if you are going to be avoiding going back home anyway, it makes no sense not to come out and give acceptance a chance" I would totally avoid going to a gay bar by myself. Student groups are better option and if its something similar to here, you will find loads of people in them. I would just approach them at the beginning of the course as that way there will be other new people you can befriend. What I did was using a webpage that allows you to (if you disclose your sexual orientation in your "looking for a room/flat" add. I did it like that because that way I would force myself not to avoid coming out and at the same time get flatmates that would be OK with it and know it from the beginning. It worked perfectly for me, people of uni age tend to be accepting. Though I know that this might not be an option for everyone. Facebook-wise, I just used it as a tool to see what was going on and qhere at the beginning (without actually clicking on "attending" at the events, etc... and finally started using it to drop hints that made my my old friends ask. Hope any of that is useful! good luck!
Yes, thank you! That helps. So you're life did improve soon after coming out when you moved? I mean, it seems like a stupid question as I type it out, but it really does seem so scary from where I'm sitting. I guess I'm stuck on the short-term awkwardness of coming out instead of the long-term liberation. I didn't even think about putting my orientation in a housing ad. That makes a lot of sense. I already have my roommates for fall set up, but that's definitely something I'll keep in mind for future reference. About gay bars - are they a lot different from your standard bar or club? Going to one right off the bat is probably a bad idea like you're saying. It would be really intimidating for me and if they name were really obvious from the street, I probably wouldn't even have the guts to go in. :icon_redf
