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I don't know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hoping, Dec 9, 2008.

  1. hoping

    Full Member

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    I wrote about this guy before how i decided i wouldnt be with him and um i found out today he never meant anything he said to me and he said that to me.
    I met this guy recently and he went on about how he wanted to take me to races and he wanted me to do alot of stuff together and um yesterday i told him im autistic and today i got an email saying that he decided that he doesnt want to be with me because of it and also because now im apparently im not tall enough.
    I just don't know what to do anymore, it took long enough to be able to trust people into letting them see what im like and to tell people i have autism and things just dont work out.
    i dont feel i can trust anybody anymore because how can i know that if i tell somebody this they wont just run away and decide im a freak.
    In the past 3 years 6 guys have said they have wanted me and all 6 have just gone away and i know im only 20 but i cant do it anymore im sick of letting myself get stomped over.
    Its hard enough living with something that i can never change but have to deal with people not thinking im worth being with because of that 1 thing, how am i supposed to deal with that?
     
  2. Numfarh

    Numfarh Guest

    What I am reading here is that when you tell people that you are autistic, they freak out and leave you. This leaves you feeling crushed.

    First off, I think that most people associate autism with "more work". As in, they would have to put "more work" into the relationship to get the same out. People are afraid of what they don't know or understand. Make sure that when you tell people that you have the facts to tell them and that it doesn't change the person they already know(aka you).

    Now, my opinion is that you don't have to tell people that you are autistic. Sure, it may be a part of who you are, but just like how you don't tell everyone you are gay, you are entitled to keeping things private. Just hold of on the more "serious" parts of yourself until the relationship is "serious". Then it won't matter so much if you are this or that.

    Keep your chin up. You're still young yet and I'm sure that there will be a man out there who will accept you for the complete you.

    :grin:
     
  3. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    I agree with Numfarth. You don't have to tell people you are autistic. Let them get to know the person that you are first. After you have established a relationship, then tell them.
     
  4. punkrocker99

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    That sux man. Yeah, keep your chin up, maybe go to a really really gay happening place? In australia i have no idea what cities that would b... but USA has san francisco, NY city, etc...
     
  5. Jim1454

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    Alternatively, make that one of the first things you tell someone. If someone is going to be tunred off by that, then you'll know right away and won't have wasted your time trying to get to know them.

    I'm not sure I know that much about Autism though. You seem to be able to communicate well with us here - and you communicate reasonably well with these other guys, so it can't be very severe. I guess there are degrees of autism that a person can have.

    Have you actually met with any of these 6 guys? In person? I always get the impression that you're chatting and texting them, and that's not a really great way to build a relationship. It can be a way of maintaining or facilitating communication while you're in a relationship, but to actually get to know someone you have to meet them in person.

    If you're 20, why not join a gay support or youth group. Get involved in an autism support group or foundation. Don't join to find a bf - join to make some friends. To hang out with people that CAN relate to you and understand you and see beyond your disability.

    There's way more to life than having a bf. WAY more!

    Make your next post here about how you went to one of those groups, and how it went! Not about some other guy. It's not about some other guy - it's about you living YOUR life. Get out there and live it - on your terms! :thumbsup: