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My parents would be surprised if I came out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by juno14, Jun 15, 2015.

  1. juno14

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    At the moment I am questioning so obviously not 100% sure if I am a lesbian at all, but I feel like if I told my parents I was gay they would be very surprised. They are not homophobic at all, but in the past I have expressed some interest in boys, and I know this is quite normal for lesbians since most girls assume at first they like boys and also I liked the attention, but they are pretty sure I actually liked all the boys I acted like I crushed on. I know often parents of gay kids know their kids are gay most of their lives, so I was wondering if this makes me less likely to be gay? And also that if I find out I am a lesbian, how do I 'persuade' them? Thank you :icon_bigg :icon_redf
     
  2. Lyana

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    Hi juno14,

    You're kind of jumping the gun here. ^^ I hope you figure yourself out with the help of EC. Don't let it stress you out either way: whether you're gay, straight, bi or anything else, it'll be okay.

    Your parents' reaction really has nothing to do with your orientation! Only you can know what you are. Some parents say they "knew," but it's also quite common for them to be completely surprised (and to even be in denial for a while after you come out). My mother really wasn't expecting it when I told her -- doesn't make me any less bi.

    If you do come out to them and if they don't believe you (they may, you know, take your word for it), you'll just have to be patient, firm, and consistent. By this point, hopefully you'll be confident in your sexuality and you'll be able to stand your ground, and also answer any questions they may have ("How do you know? Are you sure? What about the crushes on guys?")
    My mother has questioned me once or twice since I came out, and I always have the same answer ready for her. It's not that she doesn't believe me, she just doesn't want to believe it. It may take a while for them to come around, but when they see you being consistent in what you say, and maybe even get a girlfriend, they'll eventually realize you're right.
     
  3. juno14

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    Thank you very much, that helps :grin: Sure, that's good advice :slight_smile: thanks so much!
     
  4. SwimScotty

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    Pretty much what Lyanna said. Just because people don't expect it doesn't make it any less true. Two of the people I told were completely shocked when I came out to them. One of them had even bet on the assumption that I was straight (and lost, obviously). Doesn't make me any less bi.

    You will probably have to play a game of 20 Questions if you tell them, even if they do take your word for it the first time. I don't really think they want to have that conversation, and that's something that you need to remember. It's probably just as awkward and confusing for them as it is for you; denial, anger, bargaining, and the other stages of loss (their loss of the perception of you being straight, which they have likely lived with their entire lives) may play a part in their response. You will have to work them through it.
     
  5. juno14

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    Great, thank you that helps a lot :slight_smile: