Related to my other post: People don't seem to know I'm gay. I have a pretty homophobic uni class, so I am not out to all of them. I have tried to do more 'gay' things, like joining dating apps and chat sites, as well as hanging about in Manchester's gay village. Nothing has come of this, and I have actually felt even more down as a result. It's time and money wasted if I don't even meet a gay person. I almost feel like a fake, like someone who has just gone to goggle at 'the gays' or something. It's a weird feeling to explain. I am wondering whether I should turn round and tell people the past few years have all been a mistake? I can live without a relationship, because I don't have one at the minute, and it will shield me from some of the homophobia I'll encounter at uni. Has anyone tried this?
I wouldn't recommend it. My situation wasn't identical but i encountered homophobia at uni too. However I found it emotionally draining wearing a mask that didn't really reflect me and found myself distanced from others more than I would have done had I just ridden it out initially. I regret it now. Does your uni have an lgbt+ group you can go to?
I agree with Sunrays, It's best to live your true self around people you like and love, then pretend to be something your not around people who you don't get on with. Firstly, it's none of their business to try to show their opinion about it onto you, because it's discrimination and wrong. If they do anything to you, I'm sure they won't. You definitely have the right to let your teachers or faculty know what have been going on and lastly, there must be a LGBT group somewhere, where you can get practical advice from other people face to face and importantly you might make friends who will be there for you, for the right reasons and maybe for the rest of your life.
I experienced several bouts of severe ignorance but not really homophobia. They're not scared, I believe, they're more like unaware that humans tend to get attracted to fellow humans regardless of their gender. And it's not even like I'm living in a cave, in a secluded village in the farthest end of the Earth. We've actually made it to the list of gay friendly countries in the world (according to the same list, we're the friendliest in Asia), it's just despite all that, there are still those individuals who chose to be unaware of such things. They still choose to be narrow-minded and honestly, I don't really have the energy to give a damn about them anymore. My sexual preference is also none of their business so yes, I don't think they're worth stressing about really. Just hang in there. Things will get better soon.
If you're in a class with people who are homophobic, then when you hear such comments, simply say, "I beg your pardon?" and if you like, add, "I'm not sure whether to take that personally, and I don't think it was meant as such; however..." and just sort of gesture at yourself. If asked if you're gay, say, "Yes," and say it nice and matter-of-fact. People don't mind talking shit about an abstract group of people who are not present and not part of their immediate peer-group, but they don't want to insult their friends. They don't even usually want to insult people they don't care much for that happen to be in their peer-group. However, people can tell if you are hiding something, and people who do want to hurt you can pick up on that like dogs on shit. If someone picks up that you're trying to hide something about yourself, a person who is looking for a victim to pick on gets a big grin on his face. They smell it on you.
This was my experience too. Going back in the closet made me withdrawn, I really haven't been able to make close friends since I did it. It's a stressful secret to keep. Also, being closeted won't shield you from homophobic comments. You will still feel bad when you hear them. By being out you will know who your real friends are and you can lean on them for support during difficult times. Look into a lgbt group, even if it's not on campus. If your school/location is unbearably homophobic consider changing schools and seek out a gay friendly city.
Erm my city was supposedly gay-friendly! I chose one of the best cities in the UK (supposedly), but most of the homophobes are international students on my course. As I've said before, people do not realise I am gay, and will even try to 'argue' with my attraction to girls as I just don't seem to fit whatever their stereotype of a gay woman should be. The gay community has also ignored me, presumably for a similar reason. I have an opportunity now to accept that neither community 'wants' to believe I am gay, and so leave that part of my life behind altogether. As I've said, I am not losing anything because I have no gay friends here and no relationship to speak of, and it's cheaper if I don't waste money on LGBT events where I supposedly don't belong.
