So a few months ago I came out to my parents...not quite accepting, they said I'm too inexperienced but if that's how I turn out they wll still love me. They buried the hatchet for now. Recently my mom asked "jokingly" if I am STILL gay. It hurt. Everytime I think about it and the fact that I can't express myself openly it eats a way at me mentally a little more. I want to be open. I know I am gay, I've always been physically attracted to guys (since a young age) and I go the emotional attraction when other guys got that for females. I feel depressed but manage to push that away but college is coming soon and I want to be open there. I just don't know how I can do it. What do I do? I don't want to just bing it up because I know it makes them depressed.
Hey GayIsOK, welcome to EC! It has taken your parents a while to get used to the idea, they have had to go through a kind of mourning for the son they thought they had. You had much longer to deal with this, so I would say that patience and discretion are probably the wise move in this case. You are going to college, you will find it much easier to be open about who you are. It is obvious that your parents are hoping it is a phase and that it will pass, of course, it won't, but that is their secret hope. It will be 200% more real when you have a BF, but ultimately, although their approval is what you want, you may have to settle for acceptance and let time pass.
Thank you. I was thinking when I go to college and they see I don't have a GF and express more interest in having a BF they will accept it. It just hurts to keep it in.
What you're feeling is normal, you want to share who you are with the ones who love you, it's the same kind of sharing you would want in a partner, and it would hurt in both instances when they don't acknowledge or respect what you are saying. Again, be yourself, you don't need to talk about it (unless you're asked the same question again, this time you be sure to answer in a very positive and affirmative manner: YES!"), but you need not change your behaviour either, and give it time.
