what to do

Welcome to EC first of all ^^. That sounds like a really rough situation and I'm sorry that happened to you. But you do have alot of people to talk to here, although it might not be the same as having someone in real life but I hope we can help. In regards to the what happened in school, the only thing I can say is to let it blow over because denying it might only fuel the flames and give them more cause to say things about you. Also since like you said you might get disowned or kicked out, it might be best to bide your time in terms of coming out to your parents.

 

Welcome to EC. You'll find spending time here really helpful!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation too. I'd agree - let the situation at school blow over - try not to react to people, and there will be little point in them bugging you about it.

As well - I'd say that YOU CAN talk to your psychiatrist about this. He is obliged to keep anything that you tell him strictly confidential - so you should talk to him/her about this. My discussions with my therapist are what have helped me the most in coming to terms with my sexual orientation. Take advantage of the fact that you already have this professional in your life.

Then with respect to your parents... well not sure what to say there. I'd agree that you should maybe just lay low and get more comfortable with yourself first. Then you'll have the confidence talk to them about it without any uncertainty on your part.

At any rate - good luck. You'll find support here.

 

Welcome to EC Donnie. I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through, it must really suck. Your Dad sounds just like my brother. We went to Garden State Plaza the other day as kind of a last farewell to Jersey with a few of our friends (I'm a twin) and there was a Gay couple in Hollister and all my brother could do was complain about it. I've just learned to be neutral about gay topics with my family until I come out. I aslo agree with Jim and Emperor about letting the gay porn topic blow over at your school, letting people fixate on it by responding to it is just going to make them talk about it more. But, like I said in Cmrd's post the other day, if you think your parents are going to disown you or kick you out, I'd wait until I was through with college to tell them, or anyone you know back home who would tell them. If they'd kick you out, they might pull the plug on your finance's and you might have to drop out of college.

 

I wouldn't assume that at all... there are NUMEROUS cases of psychological/psychiatric professionals completely disregarding confidentiality when it comes to minors. In fact I suspect that the laws requiring confidentiality are probably different from state to state in the US and this IS Nebraska we're talking about.

At the very least I would say Donnie should look up the laws governing therapists in Nebraska because that is not a potential mistake he wants to make. I mean, yeah, it would be awesome if he could be confident that his privacy would be respected but it's definitely something you'd want to research first.

 

First I wanna say... geez I'm sorry you got stuck in Omaha! That must be really rough!

Second... well, everyone else has had good advice... definitely your idea to aim for the coast is a good one, I think.

That incredibly sucks that your friend Susan betrayed you like that, especially since you were trying to defend her to her ex and telling him to shape up.

Even if your dad reacted badly to the gay couple in Wal-Mart (There was a gay couple being openly gay in Wal-Mart in OMAHA?!?! That's pretty insane!), at least you got to see that and so now you know you're not totally alone. I know that must seem kinda hollow but if you've got no one to talk to in person, you've got to take what you can get.

I guess more than anything I would say stay in touch with other gay people, both in your situation and beyond it (like through here) and maybe read books about gay people, see movies and DVDs if you can... try to get as much exposure to positive gay stuff as possible. I know it's Omaha but are there any gay youth groups around there? Or a PFLAG chapter? I'm pretty sure any bit of positive reinforcement you can get will help you out.

Keep us posted!

 

I just want to say, that's totally insane. Why would you ever say that to someone, it blows my mind? When my parent's got divorced and my Dad and I started to have really violent fights with each other, I had to go see a psychiatrist because I couldn't deal with the stress it was causing me. When my parents case went to court, the judge couldn't demand any information from her than what I allowed her to present in court, and I was ten years old. Here's a link of Nebraska's guildlines for releasing patient information: http://cp.waittdesign.com/privacy_policy.asp

6. Release to Parents of an Unemancipated Minor. Each parent has the right to full and equal access to the minor's health records, except: (a) Records relating to treatment consented to by the minor as allowed by law; or (b) Where a court order has been issued specifically restricting a parent(s) right to the minor's health care information. Records related to treatment for which the minor provided consent as authorized by statute shall not be released to the minor's parents without the minor's written authorization. Examples of treatment for which a minor may provide consent: drug and alcohol abuse evaluation, treatment and counseling; evaluation and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.

This paragraph is the most important.

What it basically says is, unless you're an imment threat to yourself or someone else, the therapist can't release any information. If you go to the American Psychiatric Association's website you'll find, if you dig enough, that illegally releasing patient information is grounds for pulling a licsense, no matter what your legal status is.

Donnie, you should feel completely safe telling your therapist that you're Gay. They're trained to be neutral and supportive to help you work through your problems, and aren't going to go tell anyone anything you said. Unless someone served him/her with a warrent to release the records, you're safe. Last time, which was about a minute ago, that I checked, someone being Gay isn't proper authorization for a warrent. And just because you live in Nebraska doesn't mean that the therapists there are as crazy as the government is, they wouldn't be therapists if all they wanted to do was gossip about people's troubles, trust me.

 

Is the attitude towards gays that much worse here than in other places? Omaha Nebraska is actually as big in terms of population as Vancouver (although not the greater Vancouver area...).

 

I said it because I have heard accounts of health professionals/therapists breaking confidentiality about a minor's sexuality. That's great that you looked up the law--looks like it's on Donnie's side. However, it would be completely naive to assume that laws don't sometimes get broken.

And while it would be nice to think that everyone in the therapy business is well-meaning, that's completely naive too... there are fucked-up therapists just like there are fucked-up people in every other profession. And there are CERTAINLY trained psychologists and psychiatrists who disapprove of homosexuality and I suspect that they would have no problem concocting some sort of flimsy excuse that they thought someone was suicidal because of their struggle with homosexuality and so that justified them revealing that person's sexuality.

Furthermore, while it's totally and completely possible that Donnie has a gay-friendly or gay-neutral therapist, it's also completely reasonable to suggest that in Nebraska (especially given his own comments) it might be more likely that people would consider being gay not so great a thing. Just like one would expect more gay-accepting folk to be located in San Francisco. Not an exact science, of course, but definitely a decent generalisation.

I fail to see where urging caution, especially when the original poster has already expressed doubt, is "insane." Overcautious, maybe. Insane, not so much. The psychological/psychiatric traditions have a history of treating being gay as an illness and while that's not been the official discipline line in a bit over 30 years, it can't hurt to be careful. I would say, given what you've dug up of the law, if Donnie feels he trusts his counsellor enough to tell them, he should. But he should know do it knowing that there are potential risks attached, risks which are perhaps mitigated by law but certainly not erased by them.

 

I said it was insane because it is. Let's be realistic here. Donnie is a seventeen year old Gay teenager from Nebraska. What could a therapist gain from telling someone that he's gay? He's not going to be published in a newspaper, get on the cable news channels, or gain any proffesional notoriety from it. Like I said and proved, if he/she actually did do it, under Nebraska law he would definately lose his liscense. I don't think anyone on this earth would risk loosing their lively hood over a gay teenager from Nebraska, if we really want to be realistic about it. They're paid to keep quiet, that's why people go to them.

Also, he has no one else to talk or turn to. He has this fantastic opportunity to tell this person that is legally contracted to keep their mouth shut and to not pass judgement, and you're putting a doubt into his head over telling that person. That was not necessary. That's why it's insane.

 

There have been several instances where homosexual teenagers have confided their "homosexual secrets" in professionals, where the professional (whether that's a councillor, psychiatrist etc) has revealed these secrets to the parents. While these events are quite rare, it was very possible that the laws of this particular state were different in terms of confidentiality.

There's no point saying "Oh - but I thought the law stated that you had to keep our sessions secret" afterwards. It's better to be safe than to be sorry :icon_wink

Any doubt put into donnie5's mind would be relieved after finding out the laws for certain. Now that he is aware that the laws ensure his confidentiality he can safely confide in his psychiatrist.

 

ok well first of all i think that if you havnt already come out to your school you need to. they clearly know that your gay and continuing to try and hide it only makes them have less respect for you. i feel horribly that you are being forced out of the closet but i think you should just come out rather than get stuck in the door.
as far as the phyciatrist. id say that he probably wont tell your parents. but there is a small chyance he may. altho i think it would be the best to tell him. you need someone to talk to. i never had anyone to talk about my homosexuality whith and it got to a point where i couldent function normaly. altho i think that if you still dont want to tell him i would suggest you spend more time on this site. i have found talking to people who have the same problems and feelings as i do has helped alot.
and for the parents part of it. well there really is no good answer here. you should probably tell them face to face. show them that you have accepted who you are and your not afraid to hide it anymore. i hate to say it but you very well may get kicked out of your house. try and find a place to stay just in case that happens.

i really cant describe how bad i feel for you. if there is anything i can do at all or any advice i can give i would love to help. we are all here for you(*hug*)