Here is a rough-draft version of my coming out letter, which I intend to deliver to my parents on my birthday (August 15th). It's very personal and very raw. You guys are the first to see it. Please be very critical. I welcome any and all advice or comments. I want this to be just right, and it would mean a lot to me to get feedback. Thanks in advance.
This is very raw and personal (and long!). Are you sure you want to give them a letter rather than read it out or talk to them?
I have a bit of a social impediment... Talking causes a great deal of stress and anxiety for me (especially about personal things) though I communicate best through written words. I wanted to deliver the bulk of what I have to say through a letter and then talk to them after, should they have questions.
I read your letter in entirety and think it is both complete and eloquent, and painfully explicit in detail, but your thoroughness indicates your solid determination to do a transition, come Hell or high water, so I think it will convince your parents that they need to take you seriously, and find it in their hearts to support you as best they can.
Rhys. (*hug*) You've written a good letter. It's very informative and clear as to how serious you are about the path you want your life to follow. Hopefully, they'll see that and come to accept things a little faster because they'll know your mind won't be changed. It's also obvious you've... poured your soul into it I guess is along the lines of what I'm thinking of, even if it's not the words I was looking for. I've read it twice now and got a little emotional both times. You focus more on facts and general transgender info than yourself, but I can't and won't call it critique because everyone deals with coming out differently and giving them that info is probably inevitable and can only be a good thing to get through early on. Plus I imagine having the facts in a letter and being able to talk and answer questions about yourself in person is probably better. Good luck if you do that. I hope it all goes well for you, Rhys.
Wonderfully well written. Although I'm not religious, I think it's really great that you address both yours and your parents' beliefs in expressing yourself. I really hope your parents can read this and be as thoughtful and understanding as you are, and I wish you the best of luck and hope you have immense support from friends and family during your transition <3
Yes, what he said. You may want to lighten up a bit on sections such as this: "I’m not asking for your support in this, because I know I won’t get it. I wrote this letter to you trusting that the love you had for me outweighed the hate you had for transgender people" I learned some things reading the letter. So impressed with the thought and care put into it. Having prepared so thoroughly, you can now deliver it in person somehow.
Thank you guys for the comments, I really appreciate that. I do need to go through it again and revise certain areas - especially trying to be more empathetic. I want to take my parents' feelings into concern and not be bitter about this. Obviously, some of my pain and bitterness has seeped through my writing even if that wasn't the original intent... I included a lot of factual information about transgenderism in general because I'm fairly certain my parents know nothing (or close to nothing) about it. I'm just afraid that they may have, in place of accurate information, various myths and inaccurate notions to depend on. I could "myth bust" and list off several possible things that they might think, but that probably wouldn't change their opinion if that were in fact their opinion. So I stuck with facts, and if they have questions then I can answer them as they arise. Granted, the amount of emotion in my letter is uncharacteristic of me and a bit embarrassing. Though I included it to make a point, and so they could get a clear picture on how determined I am and affected, personally, by all of this. There will be revisions to the letter, and thanks so much to everyone who took all that time to read through and comment on it.
Well, the talents that you presented there made it self-evident that you have more than adequate aptitude, as a writer, to second-guess any revisions that I could possibly suggest. I will focus on things that really struck me. You talk about growing up to be a full-grown woman as a "death-sentence," and that comes across to me as powerful. It might be valuable to try to think about what it might be like for a cis-man to be turned into a woman, by force. If you asked the majority of heterosexual, cis-gendered men how they would feel about this, then, unless they were being silly and if they really took the question seriously, the majority of them would probably not be very much in favor of the idea. Men suffering from gynecomastia, for instance, often have terrible self-image problems. That's because they are cis-gender. They will never feel right with feminine characteristics. For them, gynecomastia does not make them "lucky," but they view it as a disease. The majority of people who are cis-gender probably have the same feelings about being turned into the opposite sex that people who are transgender have to face, without intervention, as their reality, not just as some distant nightmare. The way that the prospect of becoming a woman makes you feel inside, speaking honestly and from the heart, comes across to me as very powerful. And the concept of using tables, the way you did, is working. Visual aids are really good educational devices. Thank you for introducing that idea. Good luck in your revisions!
This is beautifully written, you are obviously very concerned to clear the air with your parents, and although I think that maybe some of the facts in there won't be processed by your parents as they go through their emotions, I do think it's wise for them to understand that you didn't chose to be transgendered, or if you did it was only because of the sheer upset being female meant to you. If your parents honestly love you or like you less because of this, then maybe their the ones who should be taking a long hard look at themselves. I really hope this works out for you. Let us know how it goes down.
I just wanted to add that after reading your letter and thinking about it overnight, I now have a better understanding about transgenderism. I have always been attracted at some level to good looking masculine men, wanting to look like them, and essentially BE them. I thought tonight, what would it feel like if I looked at myself in the mirror, and saw instead of an average looking man, a woman, with rounded breasts and a smooth clear body, and no male parts. I would feel terrible about it, being even more different from the way I want to see myself and look like to others, than I am now. I think I finally "get it". I usually don't comment on transgender threads, not knowing intuitively how it might feel to be in the "wrong" body for your mind to that extreme. I think I finally understand, thanks to your thorough description. I hope it all comes out well for you, and you obtain the body you need to match your soul.
Such an interesting and beautiful letter ! I learnt so many things about transgenderism thanks to you and I am glad I did. I really hope your parents will accept you for who you are and will support your transition. Thank you for sharing such a personal letter with us Rhys, the letter is perfect and I think it gets the point across beautifully. Thanks again for the read and good luck with your future transition.(*hug*)
Your letter is very well written and contains all the facts your parents may need to understand fully what you're going through. Good luck with transitioning, and remember always be the best version of you.
