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Coming out to friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pe23, Jun 20, 2015.

  1. pe23

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    Hey,

    Thanks in advance for any advice.

    So I came out to a couple of close friends about a year ago and have since told my parents and siblings around a month ago. Everyone has taken it well and I've had no issues with rejection or negativity.

    I think I was naive in thinking that once I told my parents this huge weight would be lifted off my shoulder. There is no doubt that I feel better since telling them but I still don't feel completely comfortable around a lot of my friends because they still aren't aware.

    It's this weird thing of almost having a different personality with people depending on whether they know or not and it's starting to become quite difficult because obviously the people that do know are the people I feel most comfortable around - and I think this is leading to some slight anxiety about who I am. I'm a really confident person in certain parts of my life but insecure in others and as a result most people see the confident side and maybe don't always get to see who I really am.

    I guess I am quite a straight acting gay guy if that makes sense and so most people don't suspect it. I just wanted to ask for some advice in this situation?

    I think because I don't want to be defined by my sexuality I feel I don't have to explain myself to people but at the same time I feel that most people don't see or understand the real me and that's what is playing on my mind. Ideally I'd like everyone to just know - I just don't know how to go about it.

    Thanks again for any advice!
     
  2. Silver Sparrow

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    Hi there- Welcome to EC!
    I'm really glad that everyone has taken your coming out well.
    I think a lot of people experience this. Coming out to people can be exhilarating, but the feeling after can be a let down. In the media, coming out is presented as this one defining event. You come out, and then you're done and everything is good forever! Sadly, life doesn't work like that. Coming out is a process, and everyone should take it at the pace that feels right for them.

    That feeling of being segmented can be really stressful. Coming out can be so freeing, but it is undeniably stressful when you have come out to some people in your life, but not all. Is there a particular reason why you haven't come out to some of these people?
     
  3. pe23

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    Thanks for the reply.

    I guess it's just that I've never felt there has been a right time to say anything. I guess with close friends though I do want them to know.
     
  4. LiquidSwords

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    Yeah this feels familiar haha. I remember feeling way more comfortable around people who knew, than people who didn't.

    Most people in my life who I'm close to know now though which I think is where you want to get to. Coming out to people was/is always awkward for me, I'm not very obviously gay either so waiting for people to guess isn't an option and I don't just like telling people out the blue. I need to wait for the right moment even if it feels like I'm waiting forever :bang:

    Buut it got to the point that I managed to tell my closest friends and then I just said I don't mind if they let other people know, save me the hassle of saying ha. It wasn't a big announcement all of a sudden since maybe 6 or so people already knew, just gradually everyone found out and it's not a thing. Same deal with everyone at my rugby club. Still getting there with family since I need to tell my little bro, but yeah my tactic once he knows and the family I'm close to know will be just to let it spread I guess.

    Basically my advice is to come out to people who matter, who'd prefer to hear it from you, asap. When they know just let them know you're comfortable for them to mention to others and you're set, no more feeling uncomfortable around certain people :slight_smile: