Several months ago, I learned that my parents were worried I might be gay. I felt safe, and didn't think they'd suspect I was transgender. I was wrong. My dad took me out for coffee today. He asked if I had been shaving my arms, then asked why. I said I felt more comfortable that way and changed the subject. Later as we were driving me back he asked me first about my sexuality, then my gender. I gave a honest answer. When he asked me to explain how I felt I had to tell him I wasn't ready for the conversation, so it stopped there. I made it sound like I was more undecided than I actually was, but that was only damage control. I'm scared. Even though I'm not in physical danger, I wasn't ready. I'm not ready for this. I don't know what to say to help them understand. I don't know how much this will hurt me or them.
I was outed before I was ready (it was sort of my own fault for being tired and forgetful but oh well), it kind of sucks. It's understandable to be scared, coming out is very scary and a personal thing to do, when you're not ready it's hard. It sounds like he's willing to hold off on having the conversation for a while, it unfortunate that you can't do it on your own terms but I guess you could use this time to start looking for resources to show him or thinking of ways to explain it.
Okay, I say this often. Some people might not think it's true, but it's been my experience. Likely as not...and feel free to test this theory when you do finish coming out...they have known or suspected for years. I don't want to try to paint you as somehow transparent, but these are people who know you more intimately than anyone that you will ever know. They watched you grow. They watched the toys you preferred to play with. They watched the other children you played with and how you interacted with them. They end up knowing a lot about who you are, deep down. These guys have a window into your mind that nobody else can ever have. Some parents go into denial by making excuses for what they know is there, but they have no substantive excuse, in most cases, for not having a glimmer. You handled this situation pretty well. You handled it amazingly well. It is your business when you come out. There is a difference between them knowing or suspecting you are gay and you being out. It's a BIG difference. I would let it breathe for a while. You'll feel better. ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2015 at 05:38 AM ---------- To be precise, trans-lesbian, not gay, specifically. LGBT.
Acm: Thanks. For me it helps that I was beginning to think about coming out sometime in the next few months. I just wasn't sure yet, and definitely didn't want it to be quite this soon. I don't know when he'll want to bring it up again, but hopefully I'll be able to take the next few evenings to prepare myself. Christiaan: I sometimes wonder. When my brother and I went to college, they always seemed more worried about me than him. I'm sure they noticed things, but they never really talked with me about it. I guess they were scared.
My mom told me she and others had basically expected things half my life when I came out to her. When I started wearing my Amnesty pin with a rainbow Pride theme on, nobody commented, really. At least your dad doesn't seem very aggressive about it or anything. One major tip I can give you from my own experience: Don't lock your feelings away before talking about it, don't put your shield up. Share your emotions with them as well as you can. All the best, honey, I hope it'll go well when you do come out! hugs~
