My coming out was one of fear and hurt. Growing up with a bible thumper for a father and an open minded mother in small town America was hard. I quickly grew to resent the very things I was raised to believe ib, the religion I had clinched to when it began to be used against me. My father and I constantly butted heads, I was scared. Scared of who I was and scared I would not have approval. One night at about midnight my father, my sisters, and I were watching a movie. It had been my night to choose and I had chosen a movie with a gay couple in it. From the second you found out that the couple was in love my father had nothing but negative and hurtful things to say. In a fit of rage I opened my big mouth (like I seem to do whenever I'm upset), and blurted out that I had a crush on a girl from school. That went about as well as you would expect. Bible verses were thrown at me and I quickly ushered my siblings into bed. That's my job... to make sure they're okay. As soon as they were laid down I told my dad I was leaving and not to expect me home to do anything other than check on my sisters until he could learn to respect me. Violence became involved and I just wish I could redo it. Be able to explain in a way that he would understand. Half of my siblings are okay with it the others are in the same boat as my father. Bitter and close minded but I could never stay mad at them. I simply needed to get this story of my chest and ask... Does anyone else wish they could redo how they came out?.:help::eusa_doh:
I was stupid and forgetful once and it led to me making a mistake that outed me to my mom, so I definitely regret it. I feel like I messed up my coming out, and now she doesn't really understand. Now it's become this thing we never talk about, I feel too awkward to bring it up because it'll upset her. I can't help but feel like I ruined it, I should've not messed up, and just written a more well thought out letter explaining everything. Plus, since I wasn't ready, I was so scared of upsetting her that I said a lot of things just because I thought it would soften the blow, so coming out didn't even help me that much because I misrepresented myself, and nothing's really changed for me like I wanted it to.
