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I don't know if I'll ever be ready to come out to my parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by emmadances, Jun 22, 2015.

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  1. emmadances

    emmadances
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    Ok this will be so long...

    t the moment I am 15 years old. I have sort of been gay for quite a while now, now that I think about it, but I guess I only identified and realised this when a friend started discussing it with me. And the thing is I don't think I can ever come out without hurting myself and my parents.
    My parents are both religious. I am an atheist, and my mother knows this, but My dad doesn't. I hardly ever see him anyway so it doesn't really matter. She is quite upset with that fact.
    Being openly gay would be really complicated for my parents and me.
    Firstly I have never shown interest in boys, because I'm not. But this is no kind of clue to my parents at all because, in my religion, showing an interest in sex and members of the opossite sex is bad anyway, and people are expected to have arranged marriages, and not date. I don't want any of that.
    I don't think my parents expect me to havean arrange marriage because I think they think that I'm sensible enough to choose a suitable person of the "right" gender, background, ans race(!).
    My parents don't suspect me of being gay at all.
    If I came out, my parents would be angry at me, upset for me.

    It seems like the selfish thing to do, because they would feel ashamed, and other family members and distant relatives would probably make them feel this way.
    I think they would be mortified if I ever got married to a girl, and would not see it as proper marriage.
    I think the best thing for me to do is to not get married at all ever, and adopt some kids, because if I married a woman, she would get hurt, and my parents would get hurt. If I don't admit my sexuality, and married a man, it would not be fair on him, and I probably wouldn't be able to anyway. My parents want grandkids and I want kids, so me adopting kids on my own seems like the best way.

    I also am not a bold confident person, so if I came out I would not be able to stand my ground or stand up for myself or parents

    I'm kinda hoping that me being gay is just a phase, and that it will go away, because I am not strong enough to deal with it.
    Is there a way to stop this? it would be better if I was straight, or bisexual, because then I could see myself with a male person.
     
    #1 emmadances, Jun 22, 2015
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    You are who you are, it is not selfish of you to tell them if you want to. Do you feel like that is a part of you you want them to know?

    it sounds like being gay is likely not a phase for you to me.

    You are young and independence might seem a long way away, but I would strongly disadvice you from letting your parents judgments control your life in this case.

    hugs
     
    #2 Invidia, Jun 22, 2015
  3. Nelly1

    Nelly1
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    I wouldn't let your parents influence your sexual orientation; at the end of the day, it's your life, and you chose your own path. Of course it might upset them, but it isn't by far the worst thing that could happen to a person, and the fact you don't outwardly disrespect their own views by voicing when you fancy a girl shows that you're not going to make it hard for them. There are hints you can drop, clues you can give. But at the end of the day, you don't have to tell them straightaway and you can work up towards it.
    I hope, whatever the case, that you can be honest with them and they will understand.
     
    #3 Nelly1, Jun 22, 2015
  4. Foz

    Foz Guest

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    For a start, at 15 you're way ahead of me, I wasn't even ready to come out to myself at 15. In the UK we're lucky not to have many religious crazies, it seems to me you're making a bit of a mistake second guessing someone's second guessing. Will they be upset and worry? Quite possibly, even people who support gay marriage etc. have come on here saying how worried they are their child has come out gay, not knowing what will happen is worse than knowing something bad will happen. So if you think they may worry or be upset for you, then to me that's a good sign they care (*hug*)
     
    #4 Foz, Jun 22, 2015
  5. Oh hai

    Oh hai
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    Ok, I would first like to say what an amazing daughter you are in that before even comin out you put your parents concerns first. However, this goes a little far in being selfless and thinking of your parents opinions. You are who you are, and you can't change that. If you love someone, it isn't "selfish" to not be with them so your parents can be happy. Selfish is going shopping instead of doing volunteer work or caring for sick family members. But telling your parents that you don't like boys is not at all selfish, it is being honest with them about who you are.
     
    #5 Oh hai, Jun 22, 2015
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