Coming out is fine, just not to other Christians. Advice?

It might help to be very firm and tell them to leave the judging to God. While they may have an opinion, it is ultimately not up to them, nor are their opinions relevant or welcome, because surely they are not perfect and have committed sins, too. Tell them that you no longer want to hear what they have to say about it, because it is not about them. And anyway, even if they believe it to be a sin, you aren't hurting anyone. It is something that only affects you personally. Sorry- I do not know of any instruction manual, but it couldn't hurt to remind them that it is easy for Christians to forget that they themselves are not God (said perhaps in a more respectful way), and to leave the judging of others to God, and worry about living their own lives. Shut the conversation down after you say your peace and tell them you no longer want it brought up, and walk away if they continue. If they do not hear you after this, then some people like that can be very stubborn and it is best to limit contact with them.

 

It is really important, in order for your own personal growth in the gay domain to distance yourself somewhat from people who disapprove, and to find companions that are like you.

This may be difficult as you grew up, somewhat bathed in a certain mindset, but it is crucial that you find people who will not bring you down at every opportunity.

You appear just strong enough to overcome this negativity, but they are hoping to wear you down over time. Make new friends! And make them soon, you will find the kind of validation you need to get through this.

 

It seems like you are saying that you would like to keep the friendships you have in this Christian community so I'll go with that in my response.

There is often a "hate the sin, not the sinner" mentality when it comes to our gay brothers and sisters - and this much only among the more welcoming Christians. Honestly, I don't think you can expect to have these friends change their beliefs right off the bat, accepting and even loving the fact that you are gay. It's just a really hard thing because often Christians will feel like if they do then they are sacrificing a part of their beliefs. But that doesn't have to the case.

I think it would be wise to remind them of this passage in Mark 12.

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

“Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

The point of this passage is that we, as Christians, are called to love more than anything else. The traditions don't matter - the people do. It's not our job to judge or condemn other people. Everyone has struggles. If friends believe that your gayness is a sin, they will probably feel uncomfortable. But (from their viewpoint) they should not put special emphasis on the "gay sin" above any other type of sin like lying. No Christian shuns another because they lied once.

But the fact is, you cannot change other people. All you can do is present them with the facts. You could pray for them and ask God to help them understand and see. I would give you this advice, in the end...

I believe you should still be a friend to them even if they are uncomfortable with you. Go after them and be loyal, show love unconditionally. "A friend loves at all times" (Prov 17:17). Often it is easy for us as LGBT Christians to feel "victimized" by society. But that doesn't help anyone. The only thing we can control is ourselves and how we react. If you lead by example to be a friend in the face of something that makes you uncomfortable then their opinions about you may change. They may start to see that it doesn't matter you're gay because they love you as a person regardless. And they may, eventually, come to share your own beliefs.

Peace, brother.
-Rhys-