BE PREPARED, ITS QUITE LONG! - please read it though:eusa_pray I'm in a bit of a predicament. There's this guy at school who I really like, no, im in love with him. He think he kinda knows but i'm not sure. I'm in the process of coming out and with the current situation at school (if youve read my other topic you might understand although it is really complicated) i have decided that as I get a lot of derogatory comments about them thinking i'm gay then the next time someone say's that i am, im going to say something like "so what if I am, i'm still the same person etc" but anyway, bak to my point about Jack (thats his name btw if u hadn't gathered) ever since year 9 I have for some reason longed to be with him. It really hit me when we ended up in a group together in DofE where we shared a tent. I had thought of many different ways that we could have 'fun' if he was gay and the topic came up, but it didn't apart from when he was saying that he hadn't had a wank in ages and that he needed one. Instead of me saying "I don't mind, have on now" I just said "me too" which i regret severely. Since then, in year 10 hre was in a dorm with this guy called Euan who somehow ended up in his bed with both of their boxers round their ankles and jack says he was asleep. This doesn't seem to add up as Euan wasn't the sort of guy to do that so I think that there was something more to it. But I was one of the first people he confided in, we're not even in the same house at school and at school diferent houses are ridiculously competetive and don;t usually get on too much. He always seems to be quite flirtatious when he's around me but not with other people wanting to see what porn I had came up quite a few times when he was in my dorm room (straight i must add, the gay stuff's hidden :icon_bigg ) and i noticed a few times him glancing down at my crotch with my blatant tenting boner. Whenever he's around other people he ends up bing quite abousive towards me calling me gay etc. but when its just us we just talk about anything. We had both heard about the local sex health advice centre and knew that they gave put free condoms so we both decided to go and sign up and as we went together they presumed thatwe were gay which we joked abuot and "had them going with it" was the way he put it. If you've read my other topic you'll know that I invited Jack (i put his name as james in the other post as i was still anxious about putting stuff on here - not anymore!!) and he started the night sleeping acrsoss me and another guy on a 3 seater sofa with m and the other guy on the recliners. when I thought he was asleep I moved my hand up his lag an just under the edge of his boxers, just for some male contact, but he then got up and went to the other side of the room to sleep, leaving me with the quiestion, was he awake. He has never said anything about it to me and he's not the person to keep thigs like that to himself with other people if he was and didn't like it We still talk a lot and chat bout random things. The only problem is that I really really love him and I don;t know why. He's not much to look at or anything, quite a bit of a slob really, but there's something about him that just makes me wan't to tear his clothes off in the middle of a lesson. Any words of advice from anyone
Ha... that would have been a great response! I can see why you'd hit yourself over that one. You were one of the first people he confided what in? And isn't that as succinct a summation of high school as anyone could come up with? Especially as it relates to closeted gay boys and their crushes? Well attraction isn't all about the other person conforming to some relatively generic notion of beauty. Hopefully there will be lots of times where you are surprised by who turns you on--it's pretty boring if you can totally predict it. Shall I do the annoying older person thing? Oh I think I shall... okay, the likelihood that you "love" him is relatively slim. You can't really love someone who you haven't really shared that much of yourself with--and it doesn't sound like he's been a super-sharer either. You're attracted to him, okay we've established that. You like him (when he isn't calling you names): yup, check, got that too. But maybe if you put it in perspective and take out the "oh my gods I'm so in love with him I think I might die" factor, you'll be able to work your way through the situation. Notice I didn't say you would work your way out of it--I don't doubt you have feelings for Jack. But I think true love takes... well, time actually. I think there is love at first sight but I think that might very well be a different thing altogether from true love. Anyway, I digress... your problem isn't actually whether or not your feelings for Jack rate as "love" anyway--I just wanted to rattle your cage on that point some. But yeah, it seems to me that about the only realistic choices you have are either to try to tell him you're gay (and see what happens) or to try to get over your feelings for him. The only other alternative I see is that you continue on like this, pining away for this guy who doesn't even always treat you that well, and that's... well, not that a lot of people your age and my age and all the ages above and below that don't do that, but ultimately it's stupid. I think a lot of us just like experiencing that weirdly sweet agony of being "in love" with someone who doesn't even know we exist that way... and we go out of our way to prolong it rather than attempting to deal with it. If people took even half the energy they spend moping around about someone unavailable and put that into finding someone better-suited for them, we'd have tons more happily paired-up couples (or at least a lot less sex-deprived single people :lol. I think that at times we all just like the sort of melancholy self-indulgence that those kind of "I love this person but they don't even know I exist" feelings produce. And I say that as someone who is definitely not innocent in that regard. So yeah, my advice is to come out to him (privately, in confidence) and see what happens. Probably best to come out to him WITHOUT any undying declarations of your love (at least at first). If he indicates any desire to jump you later on, well, don't think I'm gonna stop you. :eusa_danc But don't torture yourself... good things happen to those who seize opportunities, not those who sit around wringing their hands. You deserve more than twiddling your thumbs waiting to see if he ever opens up to you any more than he has.
I forgot my back-up answer to every situation in which you like a guy and he doesn't know you're gay and you don't know if he is: get him alone, get him drunk, and see what happens. I don't know what it is about that scenario that is so damned hot but gosh all mighty I so totally need to do it one day. If I'm single.
cheers for that. I know exactly what you mean about the love thing but I could't think of a work more intense than like but less that love if you get my meaning. I think I will come out to him privately and see what happens. This guy isn't major for me, if I don;t get him then i suppose it doesnt matter too much, I wrote this post earlier when I for some reason felt really really attracted to him after seeing some of the recent Hollyoaks episodes with the Craig and John-Paul storyline, this is what inspired me to relise that I was actually gay and fed up of al of the crap I was getting at school with people just using gay as a derogatory term, whether they thought I was or not
You're welcome! I think the word is "crush" or "infatuation" but most people in that state don't like them because they imply a transient nature to the feelings, and of course nothing is more real to us than the feelings we're feeling while we're feeling them. But yes, there should be a proper intermediate between "like" and "love."
Ah I see... well, that's understandable then. Not that it wasn't before. If you do come out to him, I hope it goes well and he decides he needs to be naked with you. :icon_twis
