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Want to come out, but I don't

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Posthuman666, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. Posthuman666

    Full Member

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    Im tired of hiding and lying all the time. But my family is decently conservative and the thought of not being accepted is very scary. I really want to be referred by my proper pronouns and name but eventually that would spread out to my brothers, who my mom most likely wouldn't want them to know for years, and eventually out to all friends and family. Eventually this would lead to school, which I will have to be called by my birth name and he, and wear a male uniform. It is very annoying.

    More than anything, Im just scared. Scared that the pain will become too much and Ill just deny who I am again. Ive been through some horrible stuff, and I don't want to go back to that. I have to come out. But I don't think Im strong enough.
     
  2. Xander27

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    Hey there,

    Some advice here, that may or may not apply to you depending on your exact situation, so feel free to take any, all, or none of this (I'd never know anyways).

    1. Safety first. Is there any concern you might lose your home if you do come out? Is the wrong pronouns and names damaging enough that that causes danger to you? I'd suggest weighing the risks involved in both coming out and not coming out, as I completely understand neither is a perfect solution.

    2. If the dangers of coming out are super high compared to staying in the closet, remember it's almost impossible to go back in, and even trying is very damaging to most people (imo).

    3. If coming out is right for you, sometimes stages is best. I'd suggest telling people that you trust the most- both to support you and not out you to everyone else first.

    4. Just because you're out to some people, doesn't mean you have to be out to everyone. Something else to consider when thinking about safety.


    I hope some of this helps, but remember ultimately it's your life, and you gotta do what's best for you!

    ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2015 at 08:14 PM ----------

    But overall, it's okay to be scared, and if nothing else there's tons of people on here who will never reject you no matter what!