Hi everyone, new member here. I joined the forums because I need to get this whole situation out of my chest and get some reasonable advice from people who surely have gone through a similar one. I've known I'm gay since I was 14-15, I'm 21 now and I'm still living in the closet. Because of this, I've never dated a guy or told anyone about my sexual orientation... until yesterday. Last night my roommate and I went out to a party and drank, and it seems I drank a little bit too much. Even though I can't remember much of what happened, I clearly remember coming out to him while drunk and even cried while doing it. He seemed OK with it, but the problem is that I feel really stupid now for having done it that way. In the last year I really started considering coming out to him first and then to the rest of my friends, but I didn't really plan on coming out to him on that particular day and moment, let alone coming out to anyone while drunk. All this time I had thought coming out would feel liberating, but the only thing I can feel know is regret. I think I made a mistake and should have not come out that way or that I should have waited for a more adequate situation, preferably without any substances involved, and with a little more planning on my part. :bang: Now it just feels extremely awkward. I feel like my life just changed completely after last night, and I just can't stop thinking about the fact that I probably made a huge mistake. I know my roommate supports me, since he is one of the most open-minded people I know, but I just don't know how he sees this situation... maybe he also thinks I'm stupid for coming out while drunk, I don't know. I need to talk to him. What do you think? How can I talk to him? I just feel weak and stupid.
Two things. First, you must realize that part of you obviously feels compelled to come out. Otherwise this never would have happened. You do yourself an injustice not to respect that. Second, you need to come to terms with the fact that this persona non grata you have created to masquerade in your stead is breaking apart before your eyes. It's a sign that it's time to give it up. I know it can feel very lonely to come out but take it from me, your prison is walking through this world all alone.
Let him come to you first and don't be too pushy about it. Chances are that this is a big deal for him too and he feels the need to think it out. There's a lot of miscommunication that can come from this so give it time. You could talk to mutual friends about his state of mind. It wasn't the best way, but you can still come-out the proper way by apologizing and being mature about it.
Well, it happened there is nothing you can do about it. Ask him if he has a minute to talk, tell him again, tell him you had no intentions of telling him you were gay at that party. At some point you where going to tell him but not then. Tell him you hope he is okay with it, and tell him it has been bottled up inside of you for years. Ask him if he has any problems with it. The fact that you got drunk and told him is probably was a blessing in disguise, no more worries about that now. I think he'll be fine with it, and you should be too so hang in there because everything is going to be fine. Good luck!
I agree with what the others have said. Just let him know exactly what you're feeling: You're not sorry that you came out to him but only that it happened when you were drunk. If he's as good a friend as he seems to be, he should (probably already) realize this was out of the norm for you, completely ignore how it happened and focus on appreciating your wanting to be honest with him.
Just tell him that you wanted to come out but needed the alcohol to remove your inhibitions, but that you appreciate that he received the news so nicely. Then give him a hug. (*hug*)
I was drunk the first time I told anyone I was gay. At the time I kind of regretted it, even though I know my secret to as safe with my gay friend. It took me 6 months before I told another soul. In that time I used it to research, learn more about myself, and find ways to tell people about my sexuality. 2-3 years ago I was in your shoes. It can be really scary when you've lived a straight life in a gay body, but can begin to really liberate you and lead you down a road of happiness and not living in a constant state of cognitive dissonance. If you want to talk, feel free to hit up my wall.
Thank you all, I really appreciate you took the time to read through my story and write an opinion. I talked to my friend already, he told me he is actually perfectly OK with it, if only a bit surprised, but it's nowhere a big deal for him as it is for me. Told him everything I said I had actually been holding back for years, and that maybe it just needed to get out. I guess it's time to give up living my life the way other people expect me to. I knew this moment would come sooner or later, and maybe I wasn't ready, but I don't think I would've ever been, so there :lol: Again, thank you all, I may not ever know you personally but I'm really really grateful that there's people like you that's willing to share their support and advice to strangers in need. (&&&)
As scary as this is, take it for what it is... part of you was totally ready to come out, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it sober. Not that I advocate this sort of approach, but in your case, I think you, unconsciously, did yourself a favor. Coming out to the first person, particularly if it's not really in conscious choice, gives you an incredible feeling of vulnerability and nakedness. It's terrifying. But in this case, you got a very positive response... and you can use that to begin to be more open with others. It does get easier with each person you tell. Take your time, go at your own pace... but do your best to keep the momentum going. You will feel a lot more free and authentic once you're able to truly be yourself.
