I've known since forever that I love women and my desires become harder and harder to restrain as the years pass. I'm so scared to fully come out to my family. I've been with my husband since I was 15 and he truly is my life partner. Our marriage is ok with the exception of the sex. It's infrequent because of me. I really have to try hard to work myself up for it with him. I'm so sad about this. My libido is there, it's just my desire is only for women. I fear coming out to him more than anyone. It would flip mine, his and our children's lives around forever. I don't want to hurt anyone just for my desires. But, I'm very much sexually unhappy.
That is a tough one and I empathize with you: my situation is similar. In my case we about 15 years older than you. I just spend too much time daydreaming and fantasizing about guys (but otherwise functioning).
I'm sorry you are going through this... Both of you. Sex is about mutual pleasure : Yours is as important as his. It doesn't make any sense to hide who you are in bed, regardless of how good are your intentions. You are lying to both of you, and getting nothing in return but pain and self hate. If you really love your husband, you'll tell him. Same if you love yourself. Do you guys have a good relationship, appart from sex? Do you feel like he is someone you could trust anything, including stuff you feel ashamed of? And does he trust you completly in return? About the kids... As a son I can tell you that to see my parents unhappy made me unhappy as well. After a brief period of confusion, my parents finally sorted their lives out and they even started to blossom, each on its own way. Nowadays they are happily remarried again, and honestly I wish they had divorced sooner. Your case might be different. That you like women doesn't mean it has to be the end of your marriage. Depending on how you both see things, you can find a solution that suits your needs... Why not? If he really loves you, his period of 'mourning' will be short... And he will still be there for you later. If he doesn't, he wasn't the right one for you. Don't let this chance go. It's not only your happiness what is at stake. You are not being an egoist, you are being honest and very brave, so be proud of that.
almost has the same problem, i got pregant so early and decided to get married to fight my real gender orientation.
If our responses to our friend were on a continuum, I feel this is sort of an extreme approach. When you're married for years it is not easy/right/logical to just blurt out that your gay one day. I am myself dealing with this. I get where you're coming from: honesty, clean break, easier/better for husband.
