I really want to come out. Its been eating away at me for a long time and I just want it off my chest. I would probably come out with being pansexual first, and then if things go well, move on to being trans. But what if it goes poorly? I have bad anxiety issues and I don't want to mess things up. I really want to be referred to by proper pronouns and by the name I chose, Aisling. That is what I want above all. Then I want to express femininity, which because of conservative parents probably won't happen until I move out. One thing I want to do is get some gothy sleeve gloves, which would help a lot I think, and not be too out there. But that returns to the possibility of things going bad. I really don't want to be viewed differently. I don't want to wear the broken mask, the flawed portrait of who I am. Maybe the gods didn't want me to have the right body. I just want to be seen as myself. I can't be thought of as a male any longer. Im so fed up with living as a shell. People see the outside, and the inside they see if molded by that pain of dysphoria. I don't want to be torn apart by myself. But what if they don't take it well? What if Im never loved again? What if they hate me? What if they call me a freak? I just want to come out so fucking badly, but Im too scared.
More than lightly everyone will still love you and be supportive. Those that love you will always love you those that reject you, you are better off without them. Just remember if other people have a bad opinion of you, they are the ones with the problem not you. It might help to contact your nearest trans* support group. Best of luck and every one on EC is here for you! (&&&)
