This is a question for people who've already come out. It's a long story, but I really need some help. My mom joined a group for mother's of twins when my brother and I were newborns. At her first meeting she met another woman there who had twins on the same day, in the same hospital as her and they became friends and started to make playdates for the four of us. The four of us grew up together and we've always been really close friends, and after they moved to North Carolina last year we've managed to stay really good friends. Now that I'm moving to Atlanta, we're going to be somewhat close to them again and we're going to go see them for a long weekend before I have to go to Florida for my Dad's wedding. I was planning to wait and tell my new step sister first, but now that we're going to see them I really want to tell one of them (I've always been closest with Mike) first because Mike has always been my best friend, but a lot has happened with me in a year. I know he's going to still be my friend after I tell him, but I just don't know how to do it. We talk all the time, over the computer, text, phone, but we still haven't seen each other face to face in over a year because he hasn't gone back to Jersey for a visit. Is there anything I could do or say that won't make it so much of a shock for him, becuase he honestly has no idea I'm gay?
well before you tell him you could ask him how he feels about gay people in general, then you might be able to tell somewhat how he is going to react
If someone really has no idea you're gay, there's not really anything you can do to reduce the shock. Probably the best advice is to treat it as casually as possible. Most people pick up cues on how to react to something from how they're presented with it, so if you present it as "oh my gosh this is this HUGE thing and it's going to change everything FOREVER" then it'll probably be a lot harder for him to handle than "yeah I'd really like to find a nice boyfriend--maybe when I'm in Atlanta..."
Joey did have a good idea and I think I'll take his advice, but I did leave something out that I guess is probably relevant. Mike was always the popular guy in school, he was friends with almost everyone and really outgoing but never really had a girlfriend, so for a long time certain people went around saying he was gay. Being his best friend, I always defended him in public and never brought up the subject with him in private. So it's going to be awkward for both of us because it really hurt Mike that people thought he was gay and I know he was grateful that I was able to seperate him from all the rumors. But I guess you're right and playing it cool is probably the only thing I can do about the shock.
You could use that as a way to tell him. You could say " remember when I would defend you when people would say that you are gay, well I did that because you are my friend and hope that you would do the same for me, because I am gay. I hope that we can still be friends now that you know. I am still the same person I was before you found out. I will give you some space to digest what I just told you, but will be there if you want to talk." I hope that helps and please keep us informed on the progress of your friendship! (&&&)
^^ i agree definitly bring up the times when you defended him. do a little reminicing and stuff. and treat it casually too.
